I’m 51, but I feel 35. But hormones don't care how active we are, how well we eat, or how young we feel.
The shift started subtly, the way most things that upend your life do. A warmth would creep across my whole body — not the dramatic, fanning-yourself-in-a-boardroom hot flash you see in movies, but more of an "I’m embarrassed" type flush — a gentle heat. I thought, OK, that’s a bit odd but manageable. Then I noticed strands of hair on my pillow. Then, seemingly overnight, I looked down and saw a roll of flesh sitting cheerfully above my jeans — on a body that has been slim its entire life, with a rather carefully curated wardrobe of tailored clothes that were now laughing at my efforts.
Of course I was in perimenopause, and of course I had no clue, as is the case for so many women.
My symptoms are mine, and may differ from what you experience. But the confounding nature of this phase seems to be pretty common. In my career as a chef, TV host, and author, I've found that community can be healing, so I'm sharing my menopause journey in hopes that, wherever you are in yours, the camaraderie is comforting.
Chapter 1: The Hormones
I’ve spent the past couple of years becoming an unwilling expert in hormones. I’m on HRT — hormone replacement therapy — and let me tell you, getting it right is less a science and more an art form performed in the dark.
To find the right treatment and dosage, I’ve had so much blood work done that at one point, I was practically a regular at the lab. And each time, my results came back looking like they belonged to a completely different person. Menopause means your hormones are constantly shifting — so if you attempt to target symptoms like vaginal dryness or brain fog, you’re not simply trying to hit a bullseye; you’re trying to hit a bullseye on a moving target, in the wind, blindfolded.
Most recently in my never-ending quest for balance, my doctor upped my estrogen and — eureka — more energy, less shedding, better mood. And, in the process, I graduated from gel to a transdermal patch. The gel required daily pumping and slathering. A transdermal patch felt like liberation: a tiny sticker, reapplied per my doctor's instructions, quietly doing its hormonal work in the background. Convenient. Low-maintenance. Very me.
Except, it can't seem to commit to me the way I've committed to it.
I lead a rather active life — Pilates, tennis, working out, and the kind of shower frequency that comes with being an active adult. This little patch is simply not up to the task. It does not stay. I've found it dangling post-workout, flapping gently against my skin like a very small surrender flag. Or crumpled up, stuck to the insides of my now-a-little-too-tight jeans. And when you finally peel it off, it leaves behind a perfect rectangular ghost of very stubborn sticky residue, invariably decorated with lint, a little archaeological record of exactly where your estrogen has been. Glamorous, it is not.
I also dipped my toe into testosterone — microdosing, very cautiously — because the promise of extra energy and a healthy libido is frankly irresistible. Until my dermatologist looked at my skin and basically said, "What happened to you?" I had greasy skin and breakouts at 51. So that experiment was shelved. The hormonal tinkering continues.
Chapter 2: The Weight Gain
What no one tells you about menopause — and what I wish someone had told me sooner — is that declining estrogen can contribute to insulin resistance in many women. This is one reason so many of us notice weight shifting toward our midsections, even when we eat well and stay active. I have been in the gym like a woman possessed. As a chef, it's been easy for me to continue a healthy diet, no matter my cravings. And still, there sits this little tire above my waistband, smug and immovable.
My endocrinologist confirmed it: insulin resistance becomes more common around midlife and after menopause, and declining estrogen can play a role in how our bodies process glucose. It’s not a willpower problem. It’s a hormonal one.
Chapter 3: The Tools
The clinical evidence keeps pointing to the same things.
Magnesium is an often overlooked nutrient missing from many menopausal women's toolkits. Adults often don't get enough magnesium, which plays an important role in glucose metabolism, muscle and nerve function, bone health, and sleep quality in some people. No, it's not a magic wand for menopausal belly fat, but better sleep and steadier blood sugar can certainly make the journey a little less bumpy.
Omega-3 fatty acids — the ones swimming in salmon, mackerel, and sardines, or tucked into flaxseed, chia seeds, and walnuts — carry some of the strongest evidence out there for supporting heart health and taming inflammation. They also fight back against declining estrogen, propping up cognitive function as well as joint and bone health.
Menopause, specifically the estrogen drop, raises the risk of osteoporosis — causing loss of bone density. This is exactly when vitamin D becomes essential to support bone strength. Low levels have also been associated with certain types of hair loss, although simply taking more isn't necessarily the answer unless you're deficient.
B vitamins can be equally helpful for energy production and cognitive function, especially if levels are low — though whether that occasional foggy feeling is due to menopause, jet lag, or trying to answer emails in three time zones before breakfast remains open to debate.
Iron deserves a special mention. One of the most commonly overlooked causes of increased hair shedding in women over 40 is low iron stores. Ferritin — the protein that stores iron — is often checked when investigating hair loss.
I've also been tinkering with berberine to try and shift my hormonal belly weight. Berberine is trending, and this plant-derived compound does have legitimate clinical evidence behind it — real improvements in blood sugar regulation and insulin sensitivity. It's not"nature's Ozempic," but it can be a useful metabolic support tool for some people; it just doesn't work the same way as GLP-1s and shouldn't be expected to deliver the same results. The catch: you should take it diligently with every meal, which I'm spectacularly bad at remembering to do. So the jury's still out on whether it's doing anything for me. Stay tuned.
When it comes to food, my experience in the kitchen and passion for nutrition have come in handy. The fundamentals remain refreshingly simple: Prioritize lean protein at every meal to help preserve muscle mass; embrace phytoestrogen-rich foods such as soy (I love tofu!), flaxseed, and chickpeas; eat plenty of vegetables and whole grains; and don't shy away from healthy fats like olives, avocado, nuts, and oily fish. Reducing refined sugars and heavily processed foods can help support steadier blood sugar and energy levels. Basic rule: eat fresh, clean, and deliciously.
If there were a gold medal for menopause-friendly eating patterns, the Mediterranean and Korean diets would be serious contenders. Both are rich in plants/fiber, lean proteins, legumes, whole grains, and healthy fats (love that extra-virgin olive oil and roasted sesame oil), and have some of the strongest evidence for supporting heart health, metabolic health, and long-term well-being during and after menopause. Korean food also harbors staples such as kimchi and other gut-friendly fermented foods. Best of all, unlike many "wellness" trends, these cuisines are not only sustainable — they are genuinely full of flavor and satiating.
In summary:
Key nutrients to discuss with your doctor: Magnesium, Omega-3 fatty acids, Vitamin D, B vitamins, Iron/Ferritin, Zinc, Biotin, and Berberine for insulin resistance.
Foods to prioritize: fatty fish, flaxseed, leafy greens, berries, soy, chickpeas, whole grains, olive oil, and tryptophan-rich foods (dairy, nuts, seeds) for sleep.
Always consult your endocrinologist or menopause specialist before beginning any supplement regimen.
And if you buy all the supplements with every intention of taking them, but can't seem to keep up with your pill organizer refills, don't beat yourself up. I've spent hundreds on supplements, sorting pills into little plastic bags with the precision of a pharmacist and the optimism of a complete fool — only to carry them around the world and forget to take them entirely. My current stash of supplements has seen more of this planet than most people I know: Seoul, London, New York, Paris, Abu Dhabi… but, simply, just not swallowed.
When I am consistent about supplements, however, I feel better, and some of my menopausal symptoms are curbed.
My pill fatigue: strong. My consistency: work in progress.
Forever Young?
I may not be emotionally ready for menopause and all the stigma that's holding onto it for dear life, but it's coming, and I'm armed. For me, that means keeping up with the latest research and never forgetting my HRT because I want my hair full, skin luminous, energy high, bones strong, libido intact, and my brain sharp. Depending on your priorities, your approach might differ, but I urge you to address anything bothering you — you don't have to suffer in silence.
And despite the time and energy I've put into my journey so far, I don't have it all figured out yet — not my hormones or my outlook on this phase of life.
But here's what I've learned so far: Menopause is not the end. It’s just a very inconvenient, chaotic new chapter. And if I have anything to say about it — which I do, loudly — it’s going to be a good one.
