While there’s no easy-to-swallow magic little pill for getting older with gusto, there are a few magic little tricks — aka strategies — that set exceptional agers apart from the rest. To uncover the habits that’ll make it easier to live a fulfilling and vibrant life well into our golden years, we turned to a seasoned therapist with more than 20 years of experience in helping individuals navigate the challenges and opportunities that come with aging. 

What does it mean to be an exceptional ager, anyway? “If I envision some of the people I’ve worked with, the people who do well aren’t trying to ‘defy’ aging,” says Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, who joined Talkspace, the online therapy platform, in 2019. “In fact, they’re doing the opposite and embracing the process. They have an elevated joy about aging. They’re more mindful in the moment, and inquire about what’s ahead, instead of feeling an anticipatory anxiety about the future.”

[Exceptional aging] is really about being in the present moment.

Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C

And these outliers don’t all look like what you might imagine. “People tend to think that exceptional aging is just about being fit and thin, or being mobile and not having orthopedic issues,” says Keohan. “But it’s really about being in the present moment.”

Instead of approaching their next chapters with fear, the folks who seem to nail new life stages take a more pragmatic approach. After all, no one’s been able to turn back the clock quite yet. (Though please do let us know if you have directions to the Fountain of Youth.) 

And what better way to figure out how to age gracefully than by looking at the routines of real people who have? The following habits Keohan shares aren’t mere anecdotes — they’re rooted in the collective wisdom of those who’ve mastered the art of growing older with grace.  

4 Habits of Exceptional Agers

They don’t join CrossFit (unless they want to) 

But they do keep it moving! “Something I talk about often with people who are in transition is the idea of ‘sedentary minds, sedentary body,’ and ‘sedentary body, sedentary mind,’” says Keohan. “This bi-directional experience means if we aren’t moving our bodies, our thoughts in our brains are not going to move forward, and vice versa.” 

It’s easy to stay in this kind of inactive loop unless you mix up your routine. But it’s important to find activities that feel authentic to you. “I’m not going to send you off to a CrossFit gym if that’s not something you feel organically enthusiastic about,” says Keohan. 

Try making a promise to yourself to move frequently, whether that’s daily to the local coffee shop or just a stroll around the block. “I find that the more people move, the more engaged they are with their surroundings and their environment.” 

They’re more inclined to bury the hatchet

Maybe you always dreamed of moving to Paris, but never made it onto Air France. Or you wanted to belt your heart out on stage, but were too afraid to take voice classes. As we get older, it’s important to recognize unmet expectations you had, but also to find creative ways to fulfill the feeling that those dreams gave you. 

“People often self-reflect as they age, especially people over 70 years old: Did I do that right? This person won’t talk to me — did I say the right thing?,” explains Keohan. “It’s important to process not just resentments, but unmet expectations.” 

Those who age well are mindful of what’s possible for them now. “Maybe you’re not 25 years old anymore and have too many responsibilities, so moving to Paris isn’t an option. What can you do that’s going to embody that same spirit?” explains Keohan. (Any takers for a croissant-making class?) “It’s all about living in the present moment, and staying passionate about what opportunities are in front of you.”

They’re not afraid to lean on loved ones

Certain aspects of getting older are unavoidable — you may become a widow, lose a friend to disease, or grapple with upheaval as retirement kicks in — and they’re often difficult to navigate on your own. “Any type of loss is hard, and that doesn’t just pertain to death itself. It could be losing a job or housing,” says Keohan. 

That’s when it’s time to lean on your support system. “I say this all the time, but self-reliance gets us to a deeper place of isolation, because we may want to be independent and autonomous,” says Keohan. “But in very difficult times, we need people and relationships to buttress us.” 

Cultivating hobbies and habits that bring you peace of mind is also important during rough times. “Stress reduction — whether it’s through movement, fostering relationships, or getting back to activities that we love or are nostalgic about — is super important for bolstering your spirit,” she says.

They talk it out in therapy 

Mental health is integral to our overall well-being, so it’s fitting that those who prioritize their psychological and emotional health tend to age well. Seeking professional therapy, even in a digital capacity through a platform like Talkspace, can contribute to a smoother aging process.

And you don’t have to wait for a catastrophic life event to get started. “Behavioral health shouldn’t be ignored, just as our physical health shouldn’t,” explains Keohan. “In successful therapy sessions, people are ultimately going to tell the truth. And it’s not their therapist they’re telling the truth to, it’s themselves. That unburdening can add relief and healing during whatever people are trying to work through.”

You don’t have to attend in-person therapy sessions if they don’t fit into your lifestyle. Talkspace makes it simple to connect directly with a licensed therapist 24 hours a day, through its online messaging platform. Many older adults are embracing this newer way of connecting with a mental health specialist.

In fact, recent research conducted by Talkspace, in collaboration with the University of Washington Medical Center, UC Berkeley, and Weill Cornell Medical College, examined the potential of digital mental health interventions, such as texting with a therapist, to address mental health care disparities among older adults.

The study compared the effectiveness of message-based treatment between older adults (55+) and younger adults (26-35) and found that older patients consistently attended more days in treatment, with both age cohorts messaging their therapists with similar frequency and experiencing similar improvements in symptoms of depression and anxiety.

“I love working with Talkspace because my patients don’t have to wait for an appointment weeks away if they need to talk to me — it takes away that time barrier traditional therapy often has,” explains Keohan. “By the same token, when you have the messaging component, you can reflect on what your therapist is saying and read back your entries as often as you like.”

Feeling anxious about getting started? Focus on the potential positives, like how much therapy might help you accomplish emotionally. “Therapy can really help you make a change in your life if you’re afraid to,” explains Keohan.

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Too often, it’s fear that holds us back from truly living fully and presently. These mental and physical habits not only smooth out the wrinkles of worry and the general uncertainty of aging, but they can help guide you as you navigate life’s seasons.

“We can’t necessarily live as long as we want to, explains Keohan, “but we can live well.”

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Disclaimer: The information provided on this site isn’t intended as medical advice, and shouldn’t replace professional medical treatment. Consult your doctor with any serious health concerns.