Getting married. Having a baby. Starting menopause. Lots of women go through one, if not all, of these major events, each of which has enormous effects on our lives and psyches. The good news is that you don’t have to face these moments alone: These days, there are plenty of therapists who can help you work through your emotions amid these milestones. But how do you find the right one for you?
According to Monika Dargis, a psychologist with the online therapy platform Talkspace, “If you’ve had the thought, 'Maybe I should consider therapy,’ that’s a pretty good indication that you should try it.” Even if you already have a strong social network, the therapist-and-patient relationship is very different from a friendship: “There’s something really freeing about being honest with somebody who doesn’t know you, where there are no social ramifications for what you decide to share,” explains Dargis. “The goal of therapy is actually not to give someone advice or tell them how to live their life. It's about helping an individual come to a conclusion on their own, and working through the challenges that are making that decision-making process tough.”
To find a therapist, Dargis suggests understanding your obstacles, and what you want to get out of therapy. On a platform like Talkspace, you can search for a therapist based on what brought you to therapy in the first place, whether that’s anxiety, sleep issues, or addiction. You can also search for a therapist by gender, and set preferences based on your sexual orientation, ethnic background, or even faith.
Once you’ve found someone you think is a fit, it might take a little while to feel comfortable being honest with them. But according to Dargis, that happens to most people. “It’s super normal to feel intimidated opening up to a stranger,” she says. “But one of the misconceptions people have about therapy is that it’s just talking. While talking is certainly involved, the goal is to help you make changes, and you do that by having accountability, through self-reflection, and by recognizing barriers.”
If, after a session, you feel like you and the therapist don’t click, there’s no pressure to stay with that person. “Ending your relationship with a therapist, whether you’ve seen them once or for years, can be uncomfortable, but it’s not personal,” says Dargis. “First let the therapist know why you feel like there’s a disconnect, because there’s a chance they can adjust their communication style to meet you where you’re at. If ultimately that doesn’t work, then at least you’ve had that conversation — and ideally, they can help you find a therapist who is a better fit.”
Finding the right therapist isn’t about getting it perfect on the first try — it’s about giving yourself permission to start, explore, and adjust until the dynamic feels right. And with more accessible options than ever, support is no longer something you have to search far for — it’s something you can choose, on your terms.
