Are There Any Benefits of Cheating in Relationships?

Finding out that your partner is cheating on you can be a traumatic experience. That deceit can make you fundamentally question your relationship and shatter all trust you had in your significant other. But can infidelity ever be beneficial for your relationship in the long run? 

While there will probably be a whole lot of hurt feelings in the beginning, working through such an undeniably devastating situation (ideally with the help of an expert therapist or counselor) can help bring couples closer together over time, and help them reconnect on a much deeper, more intimate level. 

“While there are no direct positives to the act of cheating, it illuminates areas of the relationship that are in trouble,” licensed psychotherapist Akua Boateng says. “And it also provides an opportunity to seek the unspoken truth about desire and need in the partnership.”

On the other end of the spectrum, infidelity may help a partner realize that they can do better than their current partner — and find someone more in line with their values and life goals.

Whether you gain a new perspective about your relationship or yourself, therapists weigh in on some positives that can ultimately come from an often difficult and painful betrayal.

Addressing cheating can renew a couple’s spark

The discovery of infidelity can rock the foundations of even the strongest relationships, and destroy the image you may have had of your partner. You might wonder why you’re even with this person in the first place — but that isn’t necessarily a bad sign. This question can help you rekindle a spark that you might’ve lost with your significant other through different life stages, like having kids. 

“Going back to the basis of what brought a couple together can be an opportunity for growth and more satisfaction within the relationship,” says couples therapist Orna Guralnik, PsyD. “For instance, they might discover that over the years they stopped flirting with each other, or they stopped going out on dates.”

Infidelity can prompt couples to strengthen their relationships

If couples choose to stay together after infidelity, the hurdle can also be a means of helping them work through tricky issues they might’ve been ignoring — like a lack of sex or quality time together — and establish a deeper connection. “Infidelity can trigger an exploration of a relationship,” Guralnik says, “including what it provides and what it lacks.”

This analysis also offers partners the opportunity to improve their communication. After all, the best way to rebuild your relationship is to talk about the affair, as difficult as that may be. Part of the conversation could include answering difficult questions that the person who has been cheated on may have, such as why their partner cheated in the first place.

“Infidelity requires you to answer questions that most people in relationships have not answered,” Boateng tells us. “If you’re working with someone skilled in this, the aim is to bring to the surface all the unspoken pieces of the relationship that’ve fueled this decision.”

Cheating can be a wake-up call for partners

While infidelity might not necessarily doom a relationship, it can certainly be a strong indicator that a couple has some serious work to do. But the key here is that both partners need to move toward each other — there can’t just be one person making an effort to stay together. 

“The condition for infidelity to be a wake-up call and not a final fracture is that both partners need to be willing to do the work of understanding why this happened,” says Guralnik, “and understanding what needs to happen in the future so that infidelity doesn’t happen again.” 

On the other hand, the discovery of a betrayal may be the final push someone needs to leave a partner with some fundamentally unhealthy behaviors. For instance, someone might realize that their spouse may use deception and avoidance to deal with conflict or a crisis — instead of turning toward their significant other for support. “It could signal to someone that maybe they don’t belong with their partner,” she adds.

Cheating can inform your future choices in partners 

If you do decide to leave your partner due to infidelity, it’s natural to have some fears that you’ll face the same issue with someone else. 

But you can take solace in a study conducted by Binghamton University and University College London, which found that women who had been cheated on claimed that their emotional intelligence was higher as a result. What’s more, they were also able to pick up on subtle cues that might indicate that a partner is cheating because they’re better able to read when something’s “off,” as when someone’s texting style suddenly changes, or they start acting inexplicably distant. 

Boateng calls this intuitive guidance, which essentially means trusting how you think and feel. “That sense of intuition for women specifically is the most powerful force that we have in our bodies,” she says. 

The pain of being betrayed can also lead to what’s known as post-traumatic growth. People who overcome the trauma that typically comes with cheating can find a newfound sense of personal strength and resilience. “Through the breach of trust,” says Boateng, “many find a form of post-traumatic growth that ushers them into a more truthful, honest future — with or without the relationship.”