Don’t let menopause get you down.
In an effort to help you adjust to and embrace menopause, we’ve covered just about every angle of this life experience — from foods to eat to what to expect when it comes to sex.
However, while you might be more prepared for the big change, you still may be feeling bummed out about it. How can you cope with these emotions and thrive in this new phase of life? We spoke to Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz, MD, an OB-GYN and the author of Menopause Bootcamp: Optimize Your Health, Empower Your Self, and Flourish as You Age, about the need to revolutionize the way we talk and think about menopause. If we adjust our mindset, we’re that much closer to fully enjoying the next phase of life. From treatment options to finding community, Dr. Gilberg-Lenz breaks down how to reorient yourself toward this huge developmental milestone.
Reframe
If you’re currently going through or approaching menopause, you might be dealing with feelings of embarrassment. Menopause stigma is real: We often see it as a total depletion of vitality, identity, and even self-worth. To avoid feeling ashamed, Dr. Gilberg-Lenz encourages us to reframe our mindsets so that we don’t only consider this a loss of youth. Sure, you’re aging away from your younger self, but “the notion that we’re only losing and not gaining is dangerous.” To stop feeling completely embarrassed (or even despondent), consider this more neutral way of thinking: “It’s not a disease — it’s a puberty of mid-life.”
Menopause is not inherently bad or gross, it’s just a developmental milestone that you can take concrete steps to address. Processing and questioning shame is a good place to start since perceptions of ickiness can keep us from starting conversations about menopause — and that only isolates us and exacerbates the symptoms.
Grieve
That being said, it’s also perfectly normal if you don’t feel like everything is sunshine and rainbows. In fact, Dr. Gilberg-Lenz says that “part of this process is grieving your youth.” It doesn’t help that women feel so devalued as they age, so your sadness may also be wrapped up in how you’re used to moving through society.
If you’re despairing over the loss of your younger self, hopefully you can take some comfort in the fact that you’re not alone: Grief is a healthy and typical response among the one million women who experience menopause each year. As Dr. Gilberg-Lenz puts it, “we can honor that feeling.”
However, be careful not to forget the upsides. As mentioned, this is another developmental milestone, and you should treat it as such. Try and remember how excited you were to define your identity at age 13. Think about how you vowed to “find yourself” when you went away to college. Declaring your likes and dislikes, going on new adventures, and taking new risks were expected during those earlier milestones. Why should middle age be any different? Menopause typically hits after age 45, so you’ll have decades left for adventures and transformative experiences like changing careers, meeting new friends, and falling in love.
And look on the bright side: This time around, you won’t be dependent upon an allowance, babysitting money, or a crummy work-study job. You’ll have decades of experience to draw upon, too. If you get sad about age, remember that it’s now your turn to be the wisest person in the room. Dr. Gilberg-Lenz says that a menopausal woman is “sharing [her] accumulated knowledge.”
Take Charge
Though you’re likely still having big feelings, teaming up with the right doctor is also essential. You’ll need medical help tackling symptoms (and maybe a friendly shoulder to cry on), and not every doctor is equipped to do that. Dr. Gilberg-Lenz admits that most doctors don’t feel confident handling menopause treatment — which is a pretty upsetting, larger issue. Big picture aside, you deserve an understanding, and compassionate doctor. Dr. Gilberg-Lenz recommends you start your search at the North American Menopause Society, which has a physician finder.
When you’ve found the right fit, be prepared: Carefully consider which symptoms you are experiencing and which you want to address. Ask as many questions as you want, and if you feel like your doctor isn’t listening to you or is dismissing your concerns, don’t be afraid to cut and run.
Your doctor will go over pharmaceutical options with you — but as an advocate for integrative women’s health, Dr. Gilberg-Lenz likes to integrate herbal and FDA-approved treatment options. If that sounds intriguing, she recommends looking at the Academy of Integrative Health and Medicine to find trained physicians who can combine these approaches.
In the meantime, Dr. Gilberg-Lenz recommends Kindra, a KCM favorite that offers holistic, plant-powered lotions, serums, and supplements that help treat menopause symptoms. Dr. Gilberg-Lenz also lists her favorite herbal remedies on her site.
Balance
A lot of women dread menopausal changes in weight. However, Dr. Gilberg-Lenz has a few simple pointers for navigating these changes. She emphasizes that metabolic rate and weight change naturally with age and that now is the time to rethink health to deemphasize weight. Instead, try taking inventory of how you feel rather than what a scale tells you: “Despite what we’re constantly hearing from diet culture, health is possible at every size.” Remember that letting go of those anxieties will ultimately leave you with more mental space for the things you love: “When you free yourself from the shackles of dieting, you have time for more of the good stuff — being with loved ones, enjoying new hobbies, activities that feed your soul, and more.”
Dr. Gilberg-Lenz says that patients who are frustrated with weight gain might be tempted to over-exercise, but she reminds us that it’s so easy to burn out or sustain an injury later in life. As Dr. Gilberg-Lenz says, menopause is an excellent time to start listening to your body so that you can give yourself the gift of rest and rejuvenation: “Slowing things down is a really big thing.”
Though it sounds challenging, carefully reorienting your mindset will be key. Try to give thanks to your body instead of putting it down: “Be grateful to your body and all it has carried you through. This is just a new phase of a long and sacred relationship. Try to shift your thinking: You’re not ‘letting your body go,’ you’re ‘letting your body be.’”
All that being said, no one expects you to remain positive all the time. “The end goal doesn’t have to be that you love every inch of your body every single day but rather that you are at peace with your body and in that peace find purpose,” says Dr. Gilberg-Lenz.
Plus, since mental wellness is integral to your overall well-being, menopause is a wonderful time to try and cultivate some healthy selfishness. If you’ve always had trouble taking up space, experiment with saying “no” to others instead of feeling obligated to people-please. Put yourself first during this murky period of self-discovery.
As an avid gardener, Dr. Gilberg-Lenz advocates for nurturing some plants, too: “There’s something about touching the earth and watching something grow.” If you don’t have a green thumb, take that as you will: Spend time in friends’ gardens, regularly walk through your local botanical gardens, or go on more hikes. A dose of nature can be a nice mood booster.
Connect
Dr. Gilberg-Lenz has been running menopause bootcamps for years, so she’s witnessed firsthand how simply talking and sharing with other women solves feelings of isolation and despondency. She recommends finding a support group ASAP. Try starting out online, since “it’s easier to be anonymous when you’re dipping your toe in.” There are many Facebook groups you can join to swap stories — and if you don’t like the ones that exist, start your own.
Once you feel comfy in an online space, start looking for physical communities near you. Meetup.com has existing menopause events or you can form your own.
If you’re curious about menopause bootcamps but don’t live near any upcoming events, we have some good news: In 2023, Dr. Gilberg-Lenz will begin offering a certification program so that you can gain the credentials to host bootcamps in your own community. Talk about taking the power back into your own hands.
