And no, coffee isn’t one of them. (Sorry.)
Do you wake up cranky sometimes? Or hear friends and family whisper, “Look who got up on the wrong side of the bed…” after you’ve snapped at them over some minor infraction? It’s not your fault — some days call for it, frankly.
But if you find that pattern continuing more mornings than not — being surly to your loved ones, always seeing the cloud’s gloomy underbelly instead of its silver lining — it might be time to change your mindset. It may sound Pollyanna-ish, but finding ways to wake up happier doesn’t just improve your relationships with those you encounter each day. A fresh perspective creates an empowered attitude that serves as the foundation for an ultra-fulfilling day. Assuming you do want to carpe that diem, how do you train yourself to embrace a “seize the day” mindset?
It’s no minor task. I myself used to wake up each morning and slowly crack one eye open, just a smidge. Then, turning away from the window, I’d plop a pillow over my head, and wonder, How do people do this slog every day?
Life is tough sometimes, and it takes a lot to stay committed to moving forward toward our goals. Establishing self-confidence, a sense of inner worth, and clarity on your life’s purpose may seem unattainable and unsustainable. But nothing is achieved without some effort behind it. So instead of being self-punishing and judgmental on the road to your destiny and realized potential, it’s kinder (and more productive) to find positive ways to motivate and inspire yourself along the way.
As anxiety-provoking events pop up in everyday life, the brain’s threat activation process (the much-discussed “fight-flight-freeze” pattern) in the central nervous system is more easily triggered. This pattern of reacting in fear, rather than responding with wisdom, leads to our bodies handling anxiety in dangerously unhealthy ways. Stress is at alarming levels in our country, reports the appropriately named 2022 Stress in America survey, which shows that adults continue to experience high levels of tension, increasing over the past year. And it’s not just adults feeling the crunch: Stress is even a major health issue for U.S. teens from 9th to 12th grade. Our lives end up shortened due to stress-related disorders like cardiovascular disease, hypertension, and stroke, among others. (To say nothing of adopting coping mechanisms like heavy smoking or drinking.) So, for the sake of our mental and physical health, it’s important to ward off the adverse effects of excessive stress..
The good news? There are 5 simple steps you can take each morning to welcome the day ahead with greater vitality and ease, and far less stress. I use these hacks myself, and have shared them with psychology clients over the past 20 years. The reports are in: They work.
Don’t rush out of bed.
Wake up slowly, and take a moment to ground yourself in the new day by connecting with your breath. Maintain your lying-down position, or sit up in bed if you’re more comfortable that way. Slowly breathe in through your nose for a few counts, and then gently breathe out through your mouth as you stretch your body—your arms, your legs, and your face muscles—like a cat would after a restful nap. Take several minutes to do this, slowly breathing in and gently breathing out. Stretching and breathing. Complete one more breathing cycle, then rise with freshness into your day. Also, to enhance this effect, find an alarm that awakens you gently, rather than one that startles you out of your sleep. (Some of the built-in iPhone alarm tones are surprisingly soothing.)
Use your usual morning rituals as a mindfulness practice.
When brushing your teeth, showering, eating breakfast, or sipping a cup of coffee, stay present with each experience at hand. Bring attention back to the sensations you’re experiencing in the moment. Shift awareness away from thoughts of the past, or anticipation of the future, to right now. Savor the moment you’re in: The warm shower water in your hair, the aroma of the morning’s coffee, the taste of your breakfast cereal, each tooth touching the toothbrush, the color of your day’s outfit. Notice what it feels like to be present, in the moment, right here, right now. Your mind will be more settled as the day begins, giving you greater clarity and peaceful precision.
Love the reflection in the mirror.
Rather than picking yourself apart, flaw by overblown flaw, use affirmations each morning to appreciate yourself just the way you are. Consumer culture needs to keep us yearning to be “more,” when the truth is we’re already more than enough. Don’t fall prey to social media’s distorting filters, leading to what I call “social media comparison syndrome.” A great affirmation I heard many years ago is: “I am perfect in my imperfection.” How liberating! Yes, you’re imperfect — just like every other human being on the planet. Even years after hearing it for the first time, this affirmation feels like an espresso shot of inner worth and self-confidence every time I repeat it to myself.
Think of what you feel grateful for.
We can’t appreciate that which we take for granted. A few years ago I went to a Harvard University seminar led by the late Vietnamese monk and author Thich Nhat Hanh. More than 2,000 attendees sat in rapt attention, then participated in a meditation on the awareness of sight — the ability to “see” with our eyes. By the meditation’s conclusion, the audience was filled with awe over the simple gift of seeing, feeling deep compassion for those who’ve lost their sight. We take so much for granted, wallowing needlessly in misery because we’ve forgotten to acknowledge gratitude. As the day begins, make a mental (or physical, if you’re willing to grab a pen and paper) list of all the wonders in your life, one by one, to enhance your appreciation for being alive to experience them.
Walk out the door with an open mind.
Consider your day as a new opportunity to interface with your life’s purpose, the meaning and mission that drives you. And stay curious: I’ve noticed that it’s impossible to be afraid and curious at the same time. When we feel fear, we close down, and when we’re curious, our minds stay receptive. And as for that life’s purpose, it’s not just a nice-to-have. In order to thrive, individuals need to feel that they’re relevant in some way. So create your own bespoke philosophy to ground your life in meaning. Then set a course for that meaning, walking out your front door, for a stroll in the park, a jog to the subway, or a drive to the office, determined to move toward it.
The truth is, I still wake up half an eyelid at a time. (Coffee first, please!) But having trained daily at connecting with my breath in those first few moments, using morning rituals as mindfulness practice, greeting my reflection more kindly, appreciating life itself, and keeping an open mind, I’ve seen a way to embrace each morning’s waking as the precious experience it is.
Integrating these 5 simple exercises into the start of each day, can change bad mental habits into good ones, offering up more empowered mornings — as well as uplifted afternoons and celebratory evenings. This kind of happiness is more than temporarily slapping on a smiling face: It’s a contentment that’s attainable and sustainable.
And, on most days, that’s reason enough to wake up happy.
Dr. Donna Rockwell is a licensed clinical psychologist and founder and CEO of Already Famous with Dr. Donna, a wellness movement for women and girls to cultivate self-confidence, inner worth, and meaning in life.
