A cancer diagnosis comes with a new vocabulary. Suddenly, you’re expected to interpret scans, remember new medications, and weigh in on treatment plans. But there’s no script for explaining how it feels to watch someone you love live with cancer. That’s why, in these situations, many of us find it easier to say nothing at all.
That silence can be especially complicated between mothers and daughters. A mother may want to be strong so her child doesn’t see how terrified she is. A daughter may downplay what she’s going through so her mother doesn't worry. Each may believe she’s protecting the other, even though voicing those emotions might actually be a relief for both of them.
In our latest episode of Next Question, Katie sits down with two mothers and their daughters whose experiences with breast cancer have challenged, reshaped, and ultimately deepened their relationships.
For Auby Rolle, healthcare has been part of her professional life for decades — she worked first as a nurse and later as a healthcare administrator. But no amount of expertise could prepare her for the moment her only daughter, LaShae, became a patient.
LaShae was just 26 and pursuing a Ph.D. focused on cancer prevention when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Suddenly, a disease she had studied academically became something she was living through.
That diagnosis impacted the mother-daughter relationship in ways neither could have anticipated. Auby supported her daughter through surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation, while LaShae tried to protect her mother from some of her own fears by approaching her diagnosis as pragmatically as possible. LaShae’s experience also deepened her connection to the work she had already chosen: She would eventually bring the perspective of both researcher and patient to her advocacy for other young adults facing cancer.
Jamie Houghton and her daughter Lauren understand another unusual side of the mother-daughter breast cancer experience: They have both been the patient.
A former ER nurse, Jamie was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2017 at age 52 and later participated in a groundbreaking clinical trial. Seven years later, the oldest of her three daughters, Lauren, received her own diagnosis at just 34.
Jamie knew all too well what her daughter was up against, and could help with practical realities like appointments, medications, meals, and the countless other details that accompany treatment. But knowing cancer firsthand also meant understanding that some fears can’t simply be fixed.
Today, Jamie, Lauren, and LaShae are all NED, meaning they currently have no evidence of disease. With time to reflect on how their individual journeys changed them and their relationships, each has written a letter to her mother or daughter, expressing what she hadn’t felt ready to say during the throes of treatment. By sharing these letters, they finally give voice to some of the hardest things to say when you’re simply trying to get through the next day — and show how powerful it can be when you finally share what was left unsaid.
