Whether it’s the good, the bad, or the ugly, we all inherit certain traits from our mothers. It can get complicated, however, when one of those traits — one that happens to have a major impact on your well-being — is something your mother hasn't come to terms with herself. That’s a conundrum podcaster Cameron Oaks Rogers recently found herself in as she battled her inherited anxiety.
In a conversation for Katie’s podcast Next Question, the mother of two (with a third on the way) and host of the podcast Conversations with Cam spoke with her own mom, Cindy Linville, about their shared struggle with anxiety, and what it took for Linville to finally get help.
After having children, Rogers, who has been on medication for anxiety for years, noticed Linville wasn’t as present with her grandkids as she’d hoped she would be: “We would have a conversation, and then the next day it would be like we never had it,” says Rogers. “Conversations felt surface-level, and I had no patience for it.”
When Rogers finally expressed her concerns to Linville, the idea that the culprit might be anxiety hadn’t even occurred to her. “I was worried about my attention span and my memory, so I saw a neurologist, an endocrinologist, and even an audiologist.” After an MRI cleared her of any neurological issues, a doctor suggested it might be related to mental health.
Although she recognized that she’d battled anxiety in the past, Linville had always seen it as a good thing: “I always thought my anxiety was my superpower…It allowed me to be productive,” she says. “I was afraid that if I took medication, my productivity would diminish.” But as Rogers’ kids grew older, she began having concerns that Linville’s behavior was putting a strain on the entire family: “I didn’t want to tell you about things with the kids,” she says. “You had this frantic energy, this worst-case-scenario thinking…It was hard for me to try to parent around that.”
Realizing her anxiety could impact her grandchildren, Linville took ownership and tried medication. “My grandkids were the reason I wanted to change,” she says. “I realized that if I wanted my relationships with my family to grow, I needed to take care of myself, and now was the time to make a change.”
After a few weeks on medication, Linville noticed a marked difference in her thinking: “My mind had always been filled with what ifs, and these ruminating thoughts were constant,” she remembers. “Now it’s like that has been lifted out of my brain, and the clarity and quiet are unbelievable.”
Rogers has noticed a change in her mom as well. “You’ve become a more present person,” she says. “I’m just so thankful you were receptive to my concerns. So many women can’t have conversations like this with their moms, and I’m so grateful for your honesty. You’re the best mom in the world, and I am so proud of you.”
