For the first time in two years, families in Israel are finally holding their loved ones again after their release from captivity in Gaza. It’s a moment that’s both joyful and unimaginably heavy.
But while the homecomings bring enormous relief, they also mark the beginning of a long and complicated healing process — for both the hostages and the people who waited for them.
Few understand that better than Dr. Ofrit Shapira-Berman, an Israeli psychoanalyst who has spent the past two years working closely with families of victims and survivors of the Oct. 7 attacks. She’s supported those grieving loved ones lost, those reunited with hostages in previous exchanges, and now, those just beginning this new chapter.
Our own Katie Couric spoke with Dr. Shapira-Berman about what these reunions are really like, what the survivors are facing, and how families can navigate the long road to recovery. Read highlights from their conversation below, and watch the interview in its entirety above.
Katie Couric: You’ve been working with families in so many different situations — those who lost loved ones on Oct. 7, and those who’ve been reunited with hostages who were released earlier. And now you’ll be working with families who are seeing their loved ones for the first time in two years. So tell us what you’ve been doing as a clinician to help these families in all kinds of situations.
Dr. Ofrit Shapira-Berman: Something that has been surprising for many families is that after the first few days and weeks — which are very, very happy — receiving your loved one back is not easy.
I use this metaphor: The hostages who are released are like premature babies. They need very careful and tender attention and care. At the same time, they often have the attitude of an adolescent, which can be very difficult. As time goes on, they may become more agitated, and their trauma begins to surface. It’s not easy to be the family member of a hostage who has come back.
What about the hostages themselves? Obviously everyone is different, but how are they able to process this trauma and acclimate to being back with their loved ones?
There are quite significant differences between the three groups who have been released. There are the ones who came back on Nov. 23, [2023], all of whom were basically mothers and small children. And then we had a group who came back about eight months ago. These were basically men who were tortured and starved. Then there’s the new group who were just released yesterday. They are very different, not only because they were there for two years and their physical situation may be the worst of all who came back before, but also because they will not have to join in the fight or the struggle to bring back other hostages.
All those who came back before had to almost immediately join in the struggle. It was a defense mechanism — they had to pull up immediately — but it also did not allow them to focus on their own bereavement and healing. So I think it’s going to be very different for all these three groups.
I’m treating one of the hostages who came back on Nov. 23, and until now she couldn’t really focus on her healing because she was extremely worried for those who are still in Gaza. I hope that now she will be able to do some more work in therapy, but it’s not easy. They were taken out of Gaza, but Gaza is still inside all of them.
What kind of treatment will all these individuals go through in order to help them? And what kind of work will the families need to do to help their loved ones?
The last group who came back about eight months ago — and this [most recent] group as well — will be treated by the state for quite a long time. They’ll receive physical care, and their mental health will also be addressed by social workers and psychologists who work for the state. Over time, we’re seeing more and more of them reach out to the organization I’m heading.
Some of them want to be treated not within the state facilities. Most of the families are treated in private practices. They need, I think, lot of holding and containing. I’m talking about the parents now, the siblings — first of all, because most of them have held up so fiercely until now and so bravely, and they were unable and reluctant to have time for their own pain and trauma, and all of them are traumatized as well.
So I think now, following the release of the children and spouses, they are at last able to reach out and receive some of the help the help they need. They need a lot of support to be able to contain the ups and downs and the traumatic symptoms of their loved ones. It’s extremely difficult to be the family of someone who has come back from Gaza.
Can you tell me some of the conditions these people were kept in? I imagine it varies from person to person. But during their captivity, is there a theme that runs through how they were treated, where they were kept, or does it depend on the person?
It depends on the person, but all of them went through very similar traumas. Almost all of them were held underground — some were also held above ground — but all experienced being underground at some point. They were deprived of food, at least the amount a healthy person should have.
What comes through from everyone is the terror they felt, day and night. They knew they could be murdered at any moment. They were told that. Hamas kept telling them that if the IDF got close enough, they would shoot them in the head. Everyone heard that. And of course, the bombing by the IDF was extremely frightening and very difficult to endure.
This last group that has just been released is mostly made up of young men. You mentioned that because they were held the longest, it may be especially challenging for them, though I imagine it’s harrowing for anyone in this group. Can you tell us more specifically about some of the things these individuals will be dealing with and how you’re working to help them?
It’s too early to know, even though Israel does have experience treating hostages and prisoners of war from the Yom Kippur War, who were held for two or three years and experienced horrific torture. So I think there is a foundation of experience to draw from. Most of them were tortured, beaten, electrocuted, and physically abused. To some degree, many also report sexual abuse or sexual humiliation.
We always thought that the women would suffer the worst abuse, but what seems to be emerging is that the men endured horrific abuse as well. They will likely experience all the symptoms we associate with complex PTSD. Many used dissociation in order to survive. They will probably have nightmares and difficulty sleeping. It also depends on whether they lost close friends or family members. Some of them did — especially those kidnapped from the Nova party, where they witnessed terrible atrocities.
Those who grew up in the kibbutzim have lost tens, sometimes more than a hundred, close members of their communities. All of this will surface gradually. It will take time — not just to heal, but even to fully grasp how horrific their experiences were. The first days are probably the best, but after that, it starts to go downhill and become worse.
Nearly 2,000 Palestinian prisoners were also released as part of this deal. Some of them were reportedly mistreated, even tortured during the time they were incarcerated. So I wondered if you could speak to that and the trauma these individuals are also experiencing.
I’m sure it’s basically very, very similar, if not the same. It’s the same kind of trauma that so many people here have suffered. There is so much pain, so much trauma, and so much agony in this small corner of the world. It’s horrible. Truly horrible.
And I think it’s a double trauma. If someone commits acts of violence that are unnecessary — or even if they believe they’re necessary — and commits atrocities, their soul will be darkened forever. So it really is a double trauma. I don’t know whether the Nukhba fighters will feel any trauma or guilt for what they did on Oct. 7. But I’m sure that if any of our soldiers did something wrong, they will carry the weight of that with them.
You describe this really difficult mixture of grief and hope and I’m sure relief for so many of these families. So in many ways, this must be an extremely confusing time to be an Israeli.
For many Israelis, it’s confusing. A lot of people just feel relief, and that’s it. It’s as if this chapter has ended. And if you’re not treating the survivors, it can seem like a happy ending to something.
For me, it’s not confusing. My goal since Oct. 7 — and really, since I became a therapist almost 35 years ago — has been to treat those who are in pain. If someone comes home and is truly okay, which of course is almost impossible, then that’s wonderful and we can send them on their way. But so many people are still suffering. There’s a lot of work to do, and that’s why it isn’t confusing for me. It’s going to take at least a generation to heal.
Talk about generational trauma and what this portends for not only people who have experienced this now, but for generations to come and how this will permeate the psyches of future Israelis.
It’s a complex trauma — in some ways, even more complex than in previous wars. And of course, we’ve had far too many wars and far too much trauma. But this time, the trauma isn’t just about what Hamas did on Oct. 7. It’s also about the fact that the IDF, which we’ve always perceived as a strong, protective parent we could trust to rescue us, wasn’t there to rescue the people. That broke a very essential assumption we all had, and that will be extremely difficult to mend.
In a way, I believe the only way to rebuild that bridge of trust is through future moments in which the IDF does manage to protect and rescue. A part of me, of course, hopes we won’t ever need to test that again — that there won’t be another moment of such vulnerability. But being as old as I am, I suspect there will be more wars and more terror attacks. It feels like a never-ending struggle here. That adds a great deal to the trauma experienced by most people.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
