For the first time, I don’t feel like I have a country to go home to.
For me and the estimated 4.4 million Americans living abroad, U.S. elections hold a different significance than they do stateside. At home, you’re facing real threats to personal freedom and democracy; abroad, you’re watching what feels like the demise of your homeland.
I’m a longtime location-independent entrepreneur who has lived in four countries outside of the United States, two of those with my two children. All this time, across all these countries, during all the unrest back home, I always felt I had the U.S. in my back pocket. I imagined that maybe, someday, I might return.
I imagined that perhaps my kids, ages 11 and 9, could go to college there, or that we might eventually split our time across two countries — Portugal and the U.S. — once we’re empty nesters.
Then, the morning after election day, I woke early and forced myself to make my daily fire cider before checking the news. As I took my first sip, I opened my phone and saw what happened while I’d been sleeping.
I felt the news in my body. And then, a thought: We won’t go home now.
We originally left in 2018, when Trump was first in power. His presidency wasn’t the only reason, but it influenced our decision and timing. We saw the writing on the promised border wall — plus the gun violence and the unrest in our home state of Idaho — and knew we wanted a more peaceful, safer home for our children. Yes, we largely left for the adventure and the desire to explore the world, but we were keenly aware of the politics bubbling through our hometown.
Not all expats leave for the same reasons we did, but in the many conversations I’ve had with Americans abroad, safety and political unrest often comes up. We talk about the pain of watching our country unravel, the global ramifications we’re already seeing in Europe — including here in Portugal, where an ultra-conservative party won the recent election — and we do our darndest to represent the best of American culture abroad.
It’s painful to feel our option of returning home slipping away, because I love my country. I love my hometown. I love my family and friends.
But I also love my freedom. I love my safety. I love living in a place mostly free of gun violence; I love sending my kids to school without wondering if they’ll return to me. I love eating affordable local food and living in an affordable home near the ocean. I love being able to go to the hospital without spending hundreds or thousands of dollars.
Portugal isn’t perfect, but it feels like a safe haven right now, when the rest of the world is reeling from this election and the ripple effect it’s sure to have on the world.
I don’t believe I am losing my country forever. I hold out hope for a brighter future. But it still hurts to feel this loss.
Today I will go to the ocean. I will enjoy living in the seventh most peaceful country in the world, according to the Global Peace Index. I will know my kids are safe at school. I will buy affordable food and breathe clean air and not think about the bill when I go to the doctor and not worry about the lives of pregnant women in this country.
And I’ll hope for a future where returning home feels like a choice again.
Stacy Ennis is a best-selling author, book coach, and speaker on a mission to help leaders clarify their ideas and harness their unique story to make an impact. Stacy has impacted more than 100 books throughout her 14 years in publishing, and has been featured in Yahoo!, Inc., Insider, Publisher’s Weekly, and the TEDx stage. Stacy is the host of the podcast Beyond Better and holds a master’s in writing and editing from the University of Cincinnati. Learn more at stacyennis.com
