Why Kids Need More than GPA and Test Scores

Teenagers studying

Dr. Michele Borba on why some kids struggle and others shine

By Dr. Michele Borba, author of Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine

“We are college and career ready, but sure aren’t ‘human’ ready.”

–Erin, sixteen, Greer, South Carolina

I’ve been an educational consultant for over four decades and worked with hundreds of parents, teachers, and children from poverty to privilege across the United States and around the world. I’ve seen child trends come and go, but I’ve never been more concerned about kids than now. The fact that kids are in trouble cannot be blamed just on Covid. They’ve been stressed, depressed and “running on empty” for a while. Prior to the pandemic, rates of depression among kids ages 14 to 17 increased more than 60%; suicide was the second leading cause of death among children and adolescents ages 10–14 and 15–19 in the United States. In fact, the suicide rate for persons aged 10-14 nearly tripled from 2007 to 2017. But things may be getting worse since Covid. A recent article in the journal Pediatrics found significantly increased rates of suicide ideation among young people ages 11 to 21, in 2020.

The truth is we’ve raised a generation of children who is really great at reaching for that brass ring. They’re achieving, studying, and working hard. But they’re also full of anxiety and putting enormous pressure on themselves. No matter what they do and how hard they push, they never feel “good enough.” And when challenges arise, they often quit because they lack the inner reserve and preparedness that provides inner strength to endure. One-third of college students drop-out at the end of their freshman year. The United States now has the highest college drop-out rate in the industrial world. 

Then came a pandemic. A crisis only amplifies pre-existing issues, and so sadly our children’s mental health is spiking. 

Of course, we love our children dearly, and hope for their happiness and success. But our efforts backfired and too many of our kids are ill-prepared to handle life. The root of the burnout problem and our children’s dismal pre-covid mental health was our obsession with developing kids’ cognitive abilities. We assume that those skills and subjects that boost academic performance are the Holy Grail for success. Parenting became an all-consuming effort to fine-tune children’s intellectual growth, but we got it wrong. The pandemic is hopefully a wake-up call that for our children’s sake, we must do better.  

The reason our children feel stressed, lonely, overwhelmed and depleted is because we are using a misguided, outdated child development formula that fails to develop traits that help them flourish mentally, morally, and emotionally. Sometimes termed “noncognitive skills,” “personality traits,” or “virtues,” I call them “Character Strengths.” Though often trivialized as “soft and fluffy,” science says that character qualities are often equally important to academic success as peak performance, and are core to resilience.

Character is what builds inner strength, genuineness and wholeness, and helps turn kids who strive for the next gold ring into young adults who thrive in a fast-paced, ever-changing world. When kids are missing character strengths, their development is incomplete and so they often don’t succeed outside the very narrowly defined parameters of school and classrooms. In short, they turn out like beautifully wrapped packages that are missing the gifts inside. 

I’ve combed research on traits most highly correlated to optimizing resilience, mental health, and peak performance and identified seven character strengths: Confidence, Empathy, Self-Control, Integrity, Curiosity, Perseverance, and Optimism. Instilling them boosts mental toughness, social competence, self-awareness, moral strength and emotional agility -everything kids need to lead meaningful and successful lives and thrive in a technologically-driven, fear-based, unpredictable 21st century world.

Applying the science of resilience can help all kids thrive, it just requires switching our mindset. Instead of using interventions and a “fix the kid” mentality, we teach children protective factors so they can maintain strength in uncertain, challenging times and become their personal best. It is not too late to fill in the missing pieces in our kids’ development, but it requires switching our myopic obsession on scores, grades, and big, fat resumes to a far-sighted view of what they will need to lead meaningful lives. Developing those seven essential Character Strengths may well be the greatest gift we can give our children because they will have protective factors to face inevitable hardships in an unpredictable world, and be more likely to live meaningful lives without us.

Kids build resilience by learning and applying those seven strengths to their lives, but in today’s test-driven, grade-obsessed culture we must be more intentional about prioritizing the other side of the report card. One simple way to help our kids gain resilience is to praise them for more than their grades and scores. We’re so quick to inquire, “What did you get?” and not so much for “What caring deed did you do?” Well, our kids aren’t hearing that message, and they desperately want to be valued for being who they are. A Deerfield teen broke my heart: “I wish my mom would acknowledge me when I’m good and nice. I want to be loved for being more than just a score!” Our words do matter— especially in a test-fixated society. After all, the benchmark of strong parenting is when our children can thrive without us-and that requires learning inner resources to handle life. Let’s not let our kids down! 

Written by Dr. Michele Borba, author of Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine