We’ve heard from readers who feel like modern dating isn’t built for them — especially those in midlife or beyond who are wondering if they’ve aged out of finding true love. So we turned to someone who’s helped thousands of people rethink their approach to dating: Francesca Hogi, a love coach and relationship expert who specializes in helping people date more consciously and confidently. In this series, Francesca is answering real questions from our readers about navigating love in every season of life. One reader asked a question that we hear all too often: “Most of the men my age seem to only want younger women. Is it even worth trying?”
Here’s what Francesca had to say.
I don’t blame you for feeling this way: You’ve been told your whole life that men prefer younger women — that age makes you less desirable. But the truth is, that story doesn’t hold up. Just look around: Older women are living their best, sexiest lives. Of course, that’s always been the case; now it’s just more visible. And the data backs it up: The age gap between heterosexual married couples has been shrinking for 25 years. As of 2022, it averaged just 2.2 years.
Sure, some men want younger women. But ask yourself: Do you actually want the kind of man who would write you off because of your age? Forget who someone is “on paper.” Focus instead on how you want to feel in a relationship. That clarity makes it easier to see who you really want: What is their character? Their values? How do you feel when you’re with them? That’s the point.
Dating isn’t about luck — it’s about where you put your attention. You want a great partner who’s crazy about you, but if you’re fixated on what you don’t want (being overlooked because of your age), you risk shutting yourself off from love entirely. And you’re not alone in that.
Most people date from a place of fear or scarcity. Everything changes when you start looking for abundance instead — the abundance of possibilities, of lessons, of connection, of love itself. And yes, there are men in all age groups who would be thrilled to date you. Maybe you should experiment with dating younger men, if only to see the evidence of your own desirability.
Two final pieces of advice:
- First: Remember that your age and experience are assets, not liabilities. You know yourself better than ever. You’ve learned from past relationships how to be — and how to choose — a better partner. Celebrate the season you’re in now, and the one‑of‑a‑kind miracle that is you.
- Second: Meet people in real life. Take your intention for connection with you everywhere. Say yes to invitations. Try new places, even if it’s just a different coffee shop. Do things that genuinely excite you. Make eye contact, smile, start conversations. Embrace connection for its own sake, and trust that the right people will appear in unexpected and delightful ways.
Court the universal force of serendipity — and get ready to meet someone amazing.
