At KatieCouric.com, we’re answering your biggest, most complicated questions about love and relationships with the help of Francesca Hogi — a dating and relationship coach who’s spent years guiding people toward happier, healthier connections. One reader asked a question that many single parents can relate to: “What do you do when your adult kids don’t like the person you’re dating?”
Here’s what Francesca had to say.
In situations like this, it’s important to distinguish between your kids’ discomfort and their genuine concern. How long you’ve been single, and whether they’ve ever seen you in a romantic relationship with anyone other than their other parent, are both relevant factors. If this is new territory for them, there’s a chance they wouldn’t approve of anyone you date — no matter how great the person might be. But it’s also possible they’re picking up on something in your new relationship that raises red flags about your well-being.
Without knowing the specifics of your family dynamic, my advice is to have an honest conversation with your children. Be prepared to set aside defensiveness and ask directly what it is they’re seeing that troubles them. Assume best intentions, listen with an open mind, and resist the urge to convince them to feel differently. Instead, let them know you appreciate their perspective, then give yourself time to reflect on what they’ve shared.
Even though you’re the parent — wiser and more experienced than your children — they might still offer insight worth considering. Once you’ve heard them out, ask yourself: Do they have valid concerns? Could I see this situation the way they do, if our roles were reversed? Has my relationship with my children shifted since I began this new romance?
Ultimately, the decision to continue dating this person is yours. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t room to thoughtfully navigate how you integrate this relationship into your family life. Sometimes, your kids may just need more time to adjust — and acknowledging that can be a step toward their acceptance.
Bottom line: Don’t dismiss your children outright. Give their feelings space, even as you honor your right to pursue love. Remember, they’re on their own journey too — learning how to live with your choices, even when they don’t agree.
