We’re breaking down what this means.
Human sexuality is a lot more complex than you might think. Maybe in college, you started crushing on boys, and then, later on, you found yourself attracted to girls. Despite what you might have been told, it probably wasn’t “just a phase.” Especially if the phase seemed to repeat throughout your life.
For some, these types of preferences can fluctuate in what’s otherwise known as sexual fluidity. “It could be having attractions toward one gender at one point in time and then another gender or multiple genders at a different point in time,” says Sabra L. Katz-Wise, Ph.D.
Though the term has been around for almost a decade, it remains misunderstood, so we turned to Dr. Katz-Wise and fellow expert Lisa Diamond, Ph.D., who both specialize in sexual orientation and gender identity.
What is sexual fluidity?
In short, sexual fluidity means your sexual orientation isn’t set in stone — contrary to popular belief, the preferences you’re born with don’t always stay the same. For example, in her research, Dr. Diamond has seen two women who start as friends before feelings of attraction start to develop. Oftentimes she says it can be a little discombobulating at first because it doesn’t fit their previous preferences.
So what does it look like in practice? Well, it could resemble many different scenarios. You may enjoy just kissing and cuddling with one gender and then only having sex with someone of the opposite sex. Maybe it means enjoying specific types of sex with one gender over the other.
“Some people’s desires are more influenced by specific people or specific context — if they’re in the right situation and they meet the right person, they might find themselves experiencing desires that surprise them,” says Dr. Diamond.
But sexual fluidity shouldn’t be confused with sexual orientation. While there’s some overlap, Dr. Katz-Wise says sexual fluidity is different because it’s not fixed and can instead change over time.
Some people are more likely than others to acknowledge their sexual fluidity
While research suggests that sexual fluidity is more common among women, the reality is any gender can experience this fluidity. Both experts say it may be just as prevalent among men, but it’s not talked about as much due to the stigmas around traditional masculinity.
“Society gives women a lot more permission to even consider the idea of being attracted to a woman,” says Dr. Diamond. “For men, we have this very categorical thing, like a man is either gay or straight.”
Sexual fluidity can also happen at all stages of life. Though it’s thought to be more common (and often more acceptable) among young people, Dr. Diamond tells us this isn’t always the case. People can experience sexual fluidity and new-found attractions later in life when they are going through a major transition, like divorce or ending a long-term relationship.
There’s not necessarily a relationship between sexual fluidity and monogamy
While the term is often complex, sexually fluid people can obviously go on to have fulfilling, long-term relationships. Both experts say one of the common misconceptions about sexual fluidity is that it poses some kind of inherent threat to a committed relationship, but they say that couldn’t be further from the truth.
It does put even more importance on communication and transparency about your past sexual history, though the same is true for open relationships, or any relationship.
“The fact that someone has the capacity to experience sexual attractions for more than one gender does not mean that they are incapable of having a monogamous commitment to a single partner,” says Dr. Diamond. “But because this is a common myth, it’s important for couples to address it head on, and to communicate openly with one another about each partner’s fears, worries, desires, and needs.”
