Wake-Up Call readers share their greatest wisdom about healthy relationships.
Our very own Katie Couric and John Molner tied the knot on June 21, 2014, which means they’re celebrating 10 years together this summer. It’s a huge milestone — and it’s traditionally known as the year to give a gift featuring tin or aluminum, if you need an idea for the perfect anniversary present.
They’ve come a long way in the decade since their wedding. For one, they launched a media company! (We at Team KCM consider our ever-expanding newsletter universe to be our gift to the happy couple.) They’ve also traveled the world, from Argentina to Turkey (where Katie married a couple for the first time!) and so many amazing places in between. They supported one another through the release of Katie’s memoir and became grandparents when Katie’s daughter Ellie welcomed a son earlier this year.
By now, they’ve pretty much mastered the art of being married, but if you know anything about Katie, you won’t be surprised that she’s always looking for an opportunity to learn something new. To that end, we asked the readers of our Wake-Up Call newsletter for their best advice about nurturing a healthy and fulfilling relationship for years and years. Ready for a lesson in love? Class is officially in session!
“John and I have been married for 15.5 years — New Year’s Day, January 1, 2025, will mark 16! He’s my best friend, and he still makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Here’s what I think we have done to make it work:
This is John’s second marriage, and I married him at age 39, so we entered eyes wide open and enlisted a couples therapist from the beginning. We see them for a tune-up whenever necessary. With the help of our therapist, we’ve learned to communicate well.
We date each other. We get dressed up, go out to dinner, and love to dance. Sometimes, it’s at home with a cocktail and a simple dinner — no TV, just talking.
We relish in each other’s differences and successes. We give each other the space to pursue our own interests. For me, it’s dance and swimming; for John, it’s golf. We don’t have to do everything together. Esther Perel talks about how erotica is built on space and distance — the wondering about what you’ll discover about the person when you see them again. It’s worked for us!” – Natalie Nixon, creativity strategist and frequent Katie Couric Media contributor
“I’m also in a successful second marriage, and I say these three things are the holy grail: respect, trust, and a sense of humor. (Along with spending time apart occasionally.)” – Diana
“My husband and I have been married for 34 years, and we have a date night every month. Whether it’s dinner out, a walk in the park, or just sitting in our car talking. This helps us catch up with each other and talk about us, our family, and what we need to do in the upcoming months. It’s important to be friends first.” – Ann
“We’ve been married 48 years, raised an amazing daughter, and welcomed two grandsons. Marriage is always a balance: the needs of family, self, spouse, home, and work. Balancing means seeing things from an ‘otherist’ perspective and helping them do the same. But the key is knowing that unless you communicate the why, you can’t expect even someone who loves you to read your mind. What makes sense to you isn’t always apparent. When times get tough, like my breast cancer diagnosis last year, all the previous work we’ve done via communication takes over — he already knows my heart and fears. But sometimes [success] is simply about being together.” – Debra
“Sleep is important to us. We’ve been married 53 years, and we sleep in separate bedrooms. We sleep so much better.” – Jo
“We’ve been married for 25 years and together since college. I just realized today that his management of all of our household ‘stuff’ (finances, travel plans, basically all administrative tasks) has given me so much bandwidth to focus on my strengths. No one believes I have ADHD, but that’s because I’m not tasked with all of the things that would be hard for me. Marriage is about finding your person — the one whose strengths complement your weakness, the one who makes you a better person.” – Michelle
“Next month, my husband Ben and I will be celebrating our 50th anniversary. We got married when I was 18, and he was 21. We’ve shared 14 homes, three kids, four grandkids, and six dogs. I’ve worked as a marriage and family therapist for 32 years, so I see what makes a bad marriage. I’ve been thinking about what has made our marriage a success, and the best way to describe it is to spell it out with the alphabet:
A: Adore each other
B: Bicker about little things that bother you so they don’t become big things
C: Celebrate every milestone
D: Determination to stay together — the word ‘divorce’ is not in our vocabulary
E: Evolution — allow the other to grow and change
F: Freedom — let the other one do what they want to do
G: Gratitude
H: Hawaii — we moved here after our kids went to college
I: Independence — we are two separate beings and have different interests
J: Just let things go
K: Kiss a lot
L: Laugh at each other — getting old is funny!
M: I would marry him all over again
N: Number 1 — putting each other before anyone else
O: Openness
P: Patience
Q: Quality time
R: Romantic
S: Silliness
T: Thick and thin — not just the good times and bad, but as the scale goes up and down, too!
U: United front
I’ll finish the alphabet over the next 10 years, leading up to our 60th anniversary!” – Kim
“It sounds cliché, but given we’ll celebrate our 20-year anniversary in September, I can safely say communication is key. Don’t wait until the small issues turn into big issues. Don’t be passive or passive-aggressive; share what’s bothering you. Continue to show respect for your partner, both in front of your children and in public. A little admiration goes a long way. Recognize you’re not always right and let the small stuff go.
Also, move out during a renovation! The work causes a surprising amount of stress. So many decisions to make and so many unexpected surprises, usually negative, can increase frustration between you. Not living under the roof of the home you’re renovating will help reduce some of that.” – Nichelle
“It’s been said that the surest way to stay married is not to get divorced, and I’ve thought a lot about that over my 26 years of marriage (35 of being together). At times, this has seemed dismissive and stunting, leaving me feeling yucky and stuck. But lately, it seems like a brilliant answer — as long as it’s paired with never giving up on growing toward better understanding and deeper love. If you have the possibility of divorce or separation whispering in the back of your mind, you’re most likely not totally in the game. Being totally committed leads to being vulnerable, saying the hard thing, and working through tough times. Love can’t win when one might otherwise bail or stick their head in the sand.” – Kate
“My husband and I have been married since 1980. Here’s my advice: You don’t always have to be right. Compromising with your spouse goes a long way.” – Suzanne
“My husband and I have always had a ‘team’ attitude. When situations arise that need extra effort, we remind ourselves that our team can pull it off. We’ll celebrate 32 years this September.” – Kathleen
“My husband and I will be married 55 years in December. He’s the boy around the corner, my high school sweetheart. I think of our long-term relationship as being on a raft together. Riding the rapids and enjoying the stillness of the water. Hang on tight — it’s a bumpy ride at times, as you well know — and be sure to wear your life jacket. But most of all, enjoy the ride.” – Paula
“Since we married each other twice(!!), we’ve learned to be more mindful of each other in an adult, mature way. We were both very immature when we married the first time. Late bloomers. This time is much different: We’re older in maturity as well as in our physical bodies. I’ve been through breast cancer, a life-threatening colorectal infection, and other issues that teach you how to cope and lean on each other for help.” – Sharon
“My husband Jack and I met in 1983, married in 1992, and are still going strong. My main advice is when there’s a problem (and there will be problems), work it out immediately. Acknowledge the problem, talk, and work. Don’t let things fester.” – Maggie
“My husband and I have been married for 37 years. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing, and we’re not the greatest communicators. What we’ve always had, though, is a tremendous amount of respect for each other and a steadfast commitment to civility. Basically, we’re nice to each other — we say ‘please,’ ‘thank you,’ and ‘I love you.’ We greet each other with ‘good morning,’ and we kiss good night. We hold hands when we walk down a street.
That may sound like really simple advice, but when life brings ample heartache and change, kindness and laughter are paramount. I’m 63, and my husband is 70. We’ve raised two daughters, had job losses and health scares, and helped each other through a lot of grief. We’re so fortunate to have been each other’s buffer and comfort through all of that.” – Kelly
“My husband and I celebrated 25 years this past March. There are so many things necessary to make a long-term relationship work, but here are my top two:
Allow each other to grow as individuals. Pursue your own growth as your relationship grows. We change a lot over the course of a lifetime, and sometimes, we need emotional space as individuals to do that. Allow that. Celebrate it. Remember, you can’t be in a healthy relationship unless you’re each healthy in your own right.
Laugh. See the absurd in yourselves during an argument or a debate. Do fun, silly things together. Be playful.” – Jennifer
“Never go to bed mad at each other. If my husband and I have an argument, we don’t hold a grudge. We try to go to bed feeling better about whatever happened. I think that’s really important for couples.” – Joanna
“It will be 46 years in August. It’s not always easy, but my husband and I agree marriage is the hardest yet best ‘job’ in the world! My advice: Don’t shoot for 50/50! It won’t always work. Sometimes, one person has to give 100 percent, and sometimes, letting go of equality is best. Let go of the urge to be right. Pick your battles wisely. And laugh a lot!” – Laurie
“Although people can grow and change, the true secret is radical acceptance. Everyone is different, and accepting the differences between yourself and your partner allows YOU to grow as a person. Don’t try to change them — accept them as the flawed human being we all are.” – Elaine
“We are approaching our 51st anniversary this week. I keep asking myself where the time went.
My relationship advice is: Be able to say you were wrong. In all our skirmishes and battles, the recovery time was greatly improved by listening and admitting honestly. No BS. Saying, ‘Yes, you’re right. I did do that’ saves a lot of time feeling alone and misunderstood. We give an issue about three sentences, and then, ‘What’s for dinner?'” – Barbara
