“Don’t ever bother a new mom about writing thank you notes.”
Whether you’re a soon-to-be or longtime grandparent, it’s always useful to brush up on the ground rules of good behavior. And since Katie just became a grandmother, she’s especially focused on learning all the ins and outs of doing the job right (you know this woman loves a good assignment).
In February, we shared a heartfelt list of tips that seasoned grandparents gave as advice to Katie as she prepared to embark on this new journey. Now, it’s time to hear some perspective from the other side of the equation: the kids who want to advise their parents about how to show up for them when they need it most.
Below are some amazing Wake-Up Call reader tips from parents about how to offer the best form of support for them and their babies during such a magical and challenging time.
- Personal gifting can be incredibly meaningful. My mother gave my children a knitted gift every year. For example, when they went to college, each child got a knitted scarf in the college’s colors. – Donald
- Create traditions with your grandchildren. They don’t have to be big! Every time one of our kids visited their grandparents, they would get a root beer float. The kids absolutely loved that. – Donald
- Healthy food is always appreciated when a baby arrives — but maybe check first that the family has freezer space for more meals. It can be frustrating to throw good food out because there’s too much else going on with a newborn and no realistic way to manage it. – Krystal
- Always offer to help, and make sure you listen to what’s actually needed. There’s nothing less fun than a new parent having to refold an entire laundry basket because the storage space requires the clothes to be folded a certain way to fit right. – Krystal
- Whatever you do, do not bring live plants over. Keeping a newborn alive and trying to heal/adapt to parenthood is enough without adding any more chores like watering a plant to a new parent’s plate. – Krystal
- Try to avoid offering to help with childcare and then backing out, even if you think you have a great reason for the change of plans. The fallout from a situation like that can last a lifetime between a new parent and their parent. Be honest with yourself about how you can help, if at all, and only make the offer if you’re certain. – Krystal
- If a new mom calls and wants you to visit her, do everything in your power to be there for her. She may be hanging by a thread, mentally, and postpartum depression can be deadly, so make sure to offer that emotional and physical support as often as you can. – Krystal
- Ask before posting pictures on social media. Make sure you know their technology boundaries – Krystal
- Don’t ever bother a new mom about writing thank you notes, even if you think that’s the proper thing to do. If you’re really that concerned, offer to write them on her behalf. – Krystal
- At the end of your visit, do little nice things for the new mom, like refilling her water bottle and making sure she has yummy snacks nearby. Maybe offer to wash her bedding, too, since she may be dealing with night sweats. – Krystal
- Don’t forget to check in with the new dad, or any other significant other besides the one who gave birth! They may be struggling, too. – Krystal
- While my mom will forever be my mom, I needed to make clear that I wanted the opportunity and space to figure out what the role of Mom to my new children would be. That meant my mom would need to allow me to make every decision for my children, without her input or judgment. While this took time, and there were many conversations about it, I can confidently report that she has nailed her new role as Grandma, and I’m grateful. As Mom, I am the decision maker and disciplinarian, and she is the fun grandma who helps to enforce Mom and Dad’s structure, rules, and routines, but spends the majority of her time with my children, just being present and enjoying their company. It’s a win for everyone. – Carolynn
