Parents and caregivers manage a staggering amount of details, face countless moments of uncertainty, and navigate myriad decisions as kids grow. The volume of advice on how to raise a good human can be overwhelming, so you’ll be relieved to learn that one of the best things you can do for your kids is to do less — to sit back and listen, assume the role of the observer, and let them lead.
This may sound counterintuitive, especially with young children, but science shows that helping kids connect to their passions and lead the way is formative for development. And as a mom of three, I have seen this unfold with my own eyes repeatedly.
Back in 2017, I was juggling a 4- and 1-year-old. Like many parents of little ones, I was deep in the weeds with the everyday details — trying to build bedtime routines, working to make vegetable consumption seem exciting, coordinating playdates at the local park — when a simple moment one summer stopped me in my tracks.
My oldest child, William, was wrapping up a week-long day camp at the local children’s museum. At the end of the camp, we sat at a presentation where the organizers talked about the work they do throughout the year, and how free community programming and scholarships are made possible by donations.
I felt a tug on my sleeve. William looked up at me and said he wanted to share money from his piggy bank so other kids could have fun at the camp he had just enjoyed.
I was so moved. Raising kids who care and are generous is the goal, right? It ended up being the first of what would prove to be many moments over the following years — as I have seen my children take action based on their experiences and interests — where I’ve said, “My kids are raising me.”
After helping William shepherd his piggy bank donation to the camp, my mind kept turning on that generosity “spark” moment. And as my family grew, in addition to tracking the usual baby book entries, such as their first step, first word, and first tooth, I found myself tracking a different type of development: generosity. I didn’t want to forget the moments of giving and empathy in these early years, and I also found myself curious, wondering what passions might emerge and flourish as my kids got older, and how those passions would lead to action.
My kids are now 11, 8, and 5. They are all very different people with very different curiosities, but there is one constant: When they experience a generosity spark inspired by their interests — and when I sit back and listen, observe, and let them lead — amazing things can happen.
I mentioned that there is science behind this. Research shows that in order for the generosity muscle to be built — for the “giving back” that happens during childhood to actually grow into adult practice — it must be “child-led.” That’s why it is so important to let your kids take charge. Get behind what they care about! And giving as a family is proven to be good for development and long-term wellbeing. Studies show that there is a biological connection between generosity and happiness and that volunteering improves people’s physical and mental health. Also, children who volunteer do better in school and are less likely to engage in risky behaviors.
In short? There is no downside to cultivating generosity in kids.
William’s generosity spark planted the seed for Give As We Grow, a new platform to help families cultivate and track generosity. The project is stewarded by Phillips Foundation (of which I am executive director), GivingTuesday, and National Center for Family Philanthropy, and it includes a trio of free offerings to help families create pathways from the virtual reality world to service in the real world: an ad-free, research-backed game that teaches kids to tap into their unique talents and interests to help others; a giving journal to help families track their in-game and real-world acts of giving and see their impact over time; and a resource library to help families spark conversations about giving and translate learning into real-world impact.
Bringing Give As We Grow to life felt akin to having another baby. As a social entrepreneur and philanthropist, I see vast potential in how Give As We Grow can democratize philanthropy and contribute to raising the next generation of kids to be good citizens who give back according to their unique skills, interests, and talent. And as a parent, I’m excited by this new way to meet kids where they are on their journeys, connect them to their passions, and help them find their spark.
Elizabeth Carlock Phillips is a social entrepreneur and impact investor who has served as executive director of the Phillips Foundation since 2013. She and her husband Kevin enjoy life with their three children in Dallas, Texas, and Greensboro, North Carolina.
