Expert tips on how to create and maintain change.
“If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.” – Bob Saget
Tis the season for new beginnings! The start of a new year is when we all feel inspired to make changes big and small. Perhaps you’re seeking to re-engage in a project, setting new career goals, assessing your life overall, and wondering if change is even sustainable.
And it’s not just January. Throughout the pandemic, many of us have been reassessing everything through a different lens, from our health and mental wellness to our relationships, both professional and personal. Many of us are more than ready for some sort of adjustment, as we’ve seen with “The Great Resignation,” in which more than 38 million workers voluntarily left their jobs in 2021, including C-Suite executives.
If you, too, feel motivated to make a big change but you’re left wondering if you can really break a bad habit for good this time or achieve a goal, like writing a book, at a later stage of life, there is good news.
Change is possible, literally and figuratively. In a recent Psychology Today piece, George S. Everly, Jr., Ph.D. wrote, “No one is stuck with the brain they have at this moment. Neuroplasticity allows us to retrain our brain through repetition. Repetitive practice converts an action into a habit — given about 12 weeks of consistent practice. The key is making the new action part of a daily schedule.”
Making the new action part of a daily schedule is where most of us struggle; it can seem overwhelming to think about adding one more thing to your regular routine. But, when thinking about your goal, breaking it into bite-sized chunks so you’re actually making micro-changes is a lot less daunting. For example, if you want to start a plant-based diet, the thought of just planning meals can be intimidating. However, if you start with one meal and build up from there it can feel better and is easier to add on additional meals later in the week. I know when it came to writing my book, the task seemed daunting as I’d never done it before, so I broke each chapter into small sections. After completing multiple sections, I gained confidence and realized my goal was possible.
Entrepreneur, speaker, and New York Times best-selling author Jesse Itzler teaches people in his Build Your Life Resume program how to make impactful life changes. In his program, Itzler encourages people to set one profound goal, called a Misogi, each year and create a new positive habit each month. The habits can be anything from consuming more water on a daily basis to reading for an extra five minutes a day. Itzler says planning an experience, such as spending time alone with one of your children (he has four children with wife Sara Blakely), every other month is another way to integrate change into your life.
We know this is all easier said than done. So, we’ve compiled five things to consider before making a change, to help you along the way.
1. Ask yourself some important questions
Here are some possible questions to ask yourself when you feel like things are stagnant in your life:
- Are my heart and mind in alignment for making a change?
- How will I devote my energy to this new decision?
- Who is inspiring me to consider this goal?
- How will I feel in six months if I do nothing?
- Why do I wish to transform this situation?
- What am I seeking?
Itzler told me these are some questions he considers when making big changes, “When making a major change I almost always think about the impact the decision will have on me in the long run. One question I ask myself is, ‘Is this going to make my life better, easier, happier, or more fulfilled in the long run?’ If the answer is no to any of those things, it’s almost always a pass.”
Knowing when to pass is an essential part of making change sustainable. If you’re making a change because your friend is doing a similar change but your mind and/or heart aren’t in it, there’s a greater chance you won’t stick with it. As a book consultant, I’ve witnessed many people begin writing books other people thought they should write and they quit because it wasn’t a project they desired.
2. Focus your decision on something you value and desire
Whatever you find worthy of your time and energy is likely to create a positive emotional response, which can fuel your drive to make a change. Planning new habits centered on someone else’s desires will get you well acquainted with what they love. However, listening to your inner voice is key to making your change sustainable. When you’re thinking of changing something in your life and you ask yourself, “Why am I even doing this?” the answer should be tethered to something you’re passionate about and find worthy.
3. Set an intent for your change
The intent is the reason behind your actions and connects you with why you want to transform something or make any type of change. We’ve all heard the phrase, “that’s not what I intended” when something doesn’t go as planned. Or “I intended to give it my best shot,” when someone falls short of a goal. Sometimes in an apology, someone will say, “it wasn’t my intent to hurt you.” In other words, your intention is the silver lining to your unsuccessful action.
If your intent is to raise funds and awareness for a cause near and dear to you, then your actions will be guided by it. Intent can also give you a sense of purpose with each of your action steps. Often there are several steps taken before a goal is reached or a change is made. Reminding yourself of your intent can help bring fresh energy into your journey. When things become challenging, focus on why you’re attempting this. Even if you aren’t able to raise as much money as you hoped or you feel you fell short of a goal, when your intent is met, you can feel a sense of accomplishment.
4. Tell the truth
If you’re struggling with a change, being honest can go a long way. This includes being transparent with yourself about whatever you’re thinking and feeling. If you’re unhappy with a decision, overriding it and trying to convince yourself you’ll be fine can be harmful in the long run. Psychologist and author James Windell, M.A., says, “You need to be honest and pursue what feels right for you. It can be very destructive to go along with a change that you’re uncomfortable with. It can hurt your overall well being and create stress”
And if you’re seeking help with achieving a goal, for example, make sure you’re completely honest. An outsider might be giving their advice based on what you’re sharing, and not being open can hinder your results. Unfortunately, being less than truthful can preserve unhealthy habits while continuing to fuel negative thinking.
5. Create a new voice
Some of our inner discomfort comes in how we relate to ourselves. In fact, some of the most powerful conversations are the ones that happen inside your mind. We can talk ourselves into and out of a crisis within seconds without leaving the place we’re standing or even talking to someone else. Part of making different choices and changes is creating a new dialogue with yourself. In other words, changing the narrative in which you speak to yourself is part of making a change happen.
When you’re speaking to yourself in negative terms, it automatically puts you in a last-place position. It’s natural for fear to set in when you’re reaching into new territory but the anxiety shouldn’t narrate your story. Instead, try not only to speak to yourself in positive terms but actually write a new chapter for yourself. You can take a notebook and write out what it will look like when you achieve the change you desire. Another popular option is creating a vision board with images and words focusing on your change. The board showcases, for example, yourself in a new career, crossing the finish line (literally or figuratively) and these images can help you see yourself in a new light. Giving yourself a dose of optimism in advance and during the stressful event will reassure you that the blood, sweat, and tears are well worth the effort.
Learning and exploring new ways of doing things isn’t for the faint of heart. Remember, it is often a process. And the things which tug at our hearts are often those things that help us see what needs to be changed.
Kristin Meekhof, M.S.W. is a therapist, book consultant, and co-author of the best-selling book, A Widow’s Guide to Healing.
