4 Ways to Increase Your Sexual Satisfaction

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Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: Pleasure doesn’t have an expiration date. If anything, experience and an understanding of your own wants and desires make sex even better. While it is a biological truth that hormones fluctuate (and dramatically decline) during menopause, and that the body’s responses can change over time, that doesn’t mean you need to settle for lackluster sex. 

That’s why we asked Alyssa Dweck, MD, Chief Medical Officer at Bonafide to share her expert tips for staying in touch with your sensual side. And since sexual desire isn’t something you can turn on and off like a light switch, Dr. Dweck also offers a great mix of physical, emotional, and mental suggestions to help you warm up before things get hot and heavy, including a product that’s designed to get your blood flowing in all the right places.

Use your imagination

Pleasure starts in the brain, so put that imagination of yours to work. “There’s a strategy called bibliotherapy, which basically means using media to get some sexual thoughts into your brain,” says Dr. Dweck. “Erotica or romance novels, depending on one’s comfort level, are great for this, because you can use your imagination and really put yourself in the story.” 

Or maybe you’d like to focus on your listening skills: If you’re into podcasts or audiobooks, apps like Dipsea and Quinn are chock-full of audio erotica made especially for women — and even have stories voiced by some of your favorite sexy celebrities. “Whatever turns you on, indulge in that,” Dr. Dweck says. “Using books or movies will help to provoke spontaneous sexual thoughts in your brain — and the more you do this, the more often you’ll start feeling them on your own.” So, dust off that old copy of 50 Shades of Gray or turn on Magic Mike, and let your brain do its thing. 

Get moving

There’s a reason why post-workout sex is so great: Getting your blood pumping is a natural and effective way to get in the mood. It’s well-documented that exercise can improve mood and help manage stress, two factors that are linked with desire. Consistent exercise also helps improve flexibility, body image, and cardiovascular health, all of which can add up to a healthier sex life. “Make sure you stay hydrated during and after exercise,” advises Dr. Dweck. “Especially during menopause, when a decrease in natural estrogen causes a decrease in blood flow and in overall lubrication.”

Try a supplement to help with physical arousal 

One of the more frustrating side effects of menopause is that even when you’re turned on, your body may not respond the way it used to. “Libido is sex drive: basically how horny you’re feeling,” explains Dr. Dweck. “But arousal is the physical change that happens in your body when you get turned on.” And sometimes those changes (like lubrication) don’t keep pace with you — no matter how much you’re in the mood otherwise.

You’re probably aware that for men, there are solutions that enhance blood flow to the genitals to increase arousal. Luckily, there’s a non-prescription option out there for ladies, too. “Ristela works to increase blood flow to the genitals for women,” Dr. Dweck says. “Randomized placebo-controlled studies conducted on three groups of women — premenopausal, perimenopausal, and postmenopausal — found that Ristela increased sexual satisfaction across the board*.”

Ristela contains four ingredients: a powerful antioxidant called French maritime pine bark extract, two naturally occurring amino acids called l-arginine and l-citrulline, and rose hips. “The combination of these ingredients causes an increased production of nitric oxide, an enzyme which leads to vasodilation, or dilation of the blood vessels,” Dr. Dweck explains. “This enhances blood flow to the genitals during sex, which for many women leads to heightened physical arousal and orgasm.” 

Ristela is available both as a tablet and a dissolvable drink mix — so you can add it to your water and drink it right after your aforementioned workout. If you’re looking to combat vaginal dryness, Bonafide also makes Revaree Plus, a unique, hormone-free vaginal moisturizer formulated with hyaluronic acid and sweet almond oil to help ease discomfort due to dryness during sex.

Plan ahead

While putting sex into your Google calendar might not sound like the most romantic thing ever, it works. “Think of it as doctor’s orders,” says Dr. Dweck. “Busy women have a lot on their plates, and often will put sexual activity on the bottom of our lists. But scheduling sex will compel you to put down the laundry, take a break from paying the bills, and remember to prioritize your own satisfaction.” Consider it an invitation to clear your head of anything except feeling good. And there’s no “right” number of times to schedule sex regularly, so try putting it into your calendar once a week or every other week, depending on what works best for you and your partner. (And you may find this “task” so enjoyable, you end up scheduling it more often — or having sex spontaneously.) 

In the best-case scenario, try to incorporate this “meeting” into an entire romantic evening with your partner, since getting dressed up and doing something outside your normal routine are great ways to reignite some passion. Because when it comes down to it, your entire night should feel like foreplay: fun, explorative, and playful.

Most importantly, remember that pleasure isn’t on a timeline. It may take some trial and error, but if you own your desires and explore what excites you, your most satisfying nights may still be ahead of you. 

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.