Saying “That’s fine” feels like settling, right?
It conjures an image of a passive-aggressive person overlooking their partner’s irritating behavior, building resentment all the while, then boiling over later. Or someone not getting what they want in a food order (“No substitutes on the menu!”) and sucking it up with a passive-aggressive frown. Or a tired parent giving into their child’s screen-time demands on a testy day but hoarding growing, secret guilt.
It feels like a negative thing. But…
What if this simple statement — “That’s fine” — could be the contrast to a sense of resignation? What if it’s, in fact, a quiet power move?
This casual response can signal confidence, emotional intelligence, and a wise ability to remove yourself from daily struggles. Here’s why:
It’s emotionally discerning
When everything is urgent, nothing is urgent.
I had a coworker who would freak out over almost everything: staff changes, product updates (we worked in tech), and even lunch seating arrangements. She was exhausting to be around and we all avoided her. Her drama received little attention over time, since we all eventually tuned her out.
Not everything in life requires your emotional investment. In fact, there’s an elegance in restraint and discernment — knowing what is, and what’s not, worthy of your energy. A well-timed “That’s fine” is like declaring, I know what matters, and this isn’t it.
Feel the lightness as you realize you can choose to let things go this easily, freeing up your energy for what matters. Here, have my bread roll! Go ahead and re-org the lunch seating chart one last time! Everything will still be fine.
It reveals self-respect
Ever been left out? Not invited? Not hired? Not asked on a second date? Not wanted somewhere? Welcome to the club! This happens to everyone, at all levels, regardless of their success, coolness, connections, beauty, or anything else.
If we sit and pine and wish we were at the party, on that fun vacation, dating that person, or part of that team, we’re feebly spending our energy yearning. Instead, we could get busy making moves, instead of overthinking or getting lost in the Instagram scroll hole and feeling like a loser.
Why fixate on a place, person, or opportunity that isn’t yours? People who respect themselves don’t linger where they’re not wanted. Picture someone you admire and respect — what would they do in any of these situations? If they even noticed, I bet they wouldn’t care and would invest their energy where it’s valued. A simple “That’s fine” says it all: I’m good! All is well!
(Because it is).
You can resign as General Manager of the universe
When you’re constantly saying the opposite of “That’s fine,” i.e. That is not fine, you’re subconsciously making yourself the judge of the world. You’re assuming that you know what is and isn’t OK. That may give you an illusion of control but that’s just all it is — an illusion. Nothing changes.
Look back on some of the situations you felt were unfair, wrong, or not fine in your life. Perhaps when a boss let you go, or someone dumped you. You’ll find countless examples of how this “not fine” scenario worked out better in time. You got a job more suited to your skills, you married someone far more compatible. Being the arbiter of what is and isn’t acceptable is a heavy weight to carry, isn’t it? I mean, you see it in the pained expressions of those people who are always telling you how everything should be in the world. How joyful are they?
Saying “That’s fine” feels like a physical exhalation, a sense of faith that things will work out.
You get to be calm versus “right”
What is more valuable than your peace? Nothing. No thing.
When you catch yourself about to exclaim that something isn’t fine, that it shouldn’t be this way, challenge yourself to see this as an opportunity to look at this situation it might be more than fine: It might be great! If a friend cancels on you, how could that be a plus? You have time to read that novel you’ve had on your bedside table for a month; you could take a nap or call your sister. If the same friend keeps flaking, how could that be great? Could this be a nudge to make some new, more reliable pals? Challenging yourself to push “That’s fine” even further into a “That’s great” mindset rewires our thinking. Instead of jumping to the negative, the outrage (!), or the disappointment, we can lean into the freedom of new possibilities.
Do you ever notice that happy and magnetic people don’t sweat the small stuff? They’re not easily rattled, hard to argue with, and have an attractive ease about them. We sense that life just flows in their favor. But here’s the reality: It doesn’t —they flow with life. And the good news is, anyone can do that by adopting these two powerful words more and more: “That’s fine!”
In a world where overreacting is the norm and where outrage begs for attention, dancing with the unexpected moments life is a rarity. We think that our resistance creates control but all it creates is anxiety. The That’s fine person isn’t weak. They’re wise. Power isn’t in clinging, but in releasing what’s not ours to manage.
Susie Moore is a British life coach, author, and host of the top-rated podcast Let It Be Easy. She’s a sought-after expert for media outlets and has been featured on the TODAY Show, Good Morning America, Business Insider, Oprah, The Wall Street Journal, and more.
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