You know Candace Bushnell as the mastermind behind one of our all-time favorite TV Shows, Sex and The City. Her 2019 book addressed an important question for middle aged women re-entering the dating world: Is There Still Sex in the City? Since Katie dove back into the dating pool later in life — very successfully — we couldn’t help but wonder if she had any tips for how to get “back out there” after being divorced or widowed. Bushnell gave us her thoughts on what it’s like to take a chance on love the second (or third, or fourth…) time around.
I never thought I’d still be giving dating tips in my sixties, but like a lot of women I found myself single in my 50s and had to figure out the brave new world of dating. I tried it all — from Tinder, to stalking guys on bicycles. I dated men old enough to be my father, and young guys who didn’t like dating apps any more than I did. And along the way I learned a thing or two. And after all that digital dating, I ended up with a new guy who I met through friends IRL. But no matter — my time back in the dating scene taught me plenty, which I’d love to share with you:
–Your mom was right: Looks don’t matter nearly as much as personality.
–When it comes to Mr. Big, at this point in your life it’s better to focus on being Mr. Big yourself, rather than looking for a man to fill that role.
–Know what you want. Most people have better luck on dating sites when they’re specific, or even by going on sites that are tailored exactly to their needs. Try one aimed at people over 50 in your area, or a site for who love dogs.
–Pay attention to your emotions when you’re dating. If it starts to feel like a job, take a break, but if it feels good, keep going.
–Figure out a plan for what to do if your date wants to have sex and you don’t, and stay true to your own needs.
–Pay attention to your first interactions with someone — they tell you everything about what to expect. For example, if a date can’t seem to make a plan right off the bat, they probably won’t change in the future.
–Make sure you have a good relationship in real life, not just a relationship that thrives online. Text messages and Facetime are great, but the real stuff in relationships happens IRL, like taking care of someone when they’re ill, and sharing a meal after a long day.
–Smell is important: The nose knows things before we do. Up your odds by smelling great yourself.
–Look for someone you can change with, because people do change.
–Avoid people with money troubles — they usually bring those troubles into your life.
–Tell everyone you know that you’re looking for a relationship. There’s nothing people love more than to connect people they think will be a good match. It’s a blessing to all!
