The gloves are off.
Warning: Spoilers ahead.
By now, you know that Fridays are for catching up on the Golden Bachelor gossip. Last week, the competition gets fiercer and the gloves start to come off. Don’t worry, there are still plenty of heartwarming moments, but now that feelings are starting to get involved, not everyone’s playing nice.
Last week’s Golden Bachelor opens up with the women hanging out in the house, discussing how connected they all feel to Gerry. April, Susan, Kathy, and Nancy have formed a group they dubbed ASKN — as in, “you’re askin’, we’re telling.” They discuss Theresa and her connection with Gerry — she’s got a target on her back because she got the first one-on-one date.
Jesse Palmer walks in to explain that last week is going to have a one-on-one date and a group date…and the group date starts right now! Thankfully, all the women are going on the group date, which eliminates any immediate jealousy. But unfortunately, the date sounds more like a challenge than a chance for romance: They’re going to be performing in a talent show. Understandably, half the women are cheering and half are openly scared.
Joan: I don’t really have any talents that I know of, but I’ll do my best.
Relatable.
The Golden Bachelor week 3 group date
Not only is this date wildly unromantic, but it’s also in front of a crowd.
“I think it’s gonna be a whole bunch of fun,” says Gerry. Easy for him to say — he’s judging, not performing in front of a ton of strangers. Gerry brings former Bachelorette star Kaitlyn Bristowe onstage to be one of the judges. She explains that the winner of the talent show is going to get a romantic one-on-one dinner with Gerry. (Hearts break for Joan and any of the other possibly talentless women.)
Sandra goes up first and tells a joke. Susan does karate and actually splits a piece of wood in half. Respect.
Ellen says her talent is teaching sex ed to middle school students. She has the crowd yell, “A hoo-ha is a vagina.” I can confirm her classes were like this because I once was one of her students in middle school.
Faith sings a song with her guitar and April sings and dances. Kathy does push-ups. Nancy does something fun with whipped cream that I can’t really explain. Leslie does a flirty dance involving Gerry, a chair, and two feather boas. Then she says, “Wait, wait I bake too” and pulls out a brownie that she was hiding under a bucket on a plate. The crowd goes wild while the rest of the ladies look…not thrilled.
Meanwhile, Joan is still apprehensive because she thinks she has no talents. She’s afraid of performing (maybe someone should tell Joan she’s on a TV show). She wrote Gerry a poem called, “I Just Hope I Don’t Vomit On Your Shoes.”
For being so nervous, Joan does great! She composed a little rhyming couplets poem and the audience loves it, and Gerry does, too. He says it felt like Joan was just talking to him and no one else was around. And all that effort and creativity paid off, because she won the dinner date!
Gerry and Joan’s one-on-one date on The Golden Bachelor
Hand in hand, Gerry and Joan walk into what looks like an antique shop with a table set up in the middle.
They talk about how they both struggled to get comfortable dating after their spouses passed, and Joan mentions that she has a lot going on back home — her daughter gave birth 15 days ago — but she wanted to go on the show to do something for herself. Unfortunately, much like with all the soundbites of Joan lamenting how she has no talent right before winning the talent show, I fear this is what we in the business like to call foreshadowing.
Gerry gives Joan the date rose, meaning she’s immune from the next elimination.
Why did Joan leave The Golden Bachelor?
The next day, back at the house, Joan calls her daughter crying. It gives me no pleasure to announce that I was right — Joan has to go home because her daughter needs her.
She says, “Once you become a mom, you’re always a mom, even as your kids get older.” She breaks the news that she’s leaving to the other women in the house. They’re all crying, now I’m crying. Joan says, “I hope one of you finds love with Gerry because he is a really amazing guy.”
Meanwhile, poor Gerry is being driven to the house and he’s got a huge smile on his face — he clearly has no idea what’s about to happen.
Joan sits Gerry down to tell him that she has to leave to go home to her kids. Gerry says he understands but is very disappointed. “I was so excited this morning, I was out of bed dancing,” he says, adding, “Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest.” The selflessness and maturity of both of them! It warms my heart.
As she’s leaving, Joan reflects on her experience and decision to come on the show. She says, “As you become older, you become invisible. People don’t see you anymore. You become less significant as when you were young.”
Gerry and Ellen’s one-on-one date on The Golden Bachelor
With Joan gone, we have company: fashion designer Michael Costello, of Project Runway fame. Michael is here to dress Ellen for her special one-on-one date! He walks her into a room filled with racks and racks of beautiful dresses and shoes. This is a dream date. She ends up choosing a hot pink number with a giant bow at the hip. Then Ellen reveals her look to all the women, plus Gerry.
Gerry: She looked stunning but what completed the look was the big smile on her face.
I feel like I need to write a thank-you note to his mom for doing a great job.
Anyway, Gerry says Ellen is the woman he can be most himself with but is looking to see if there’s a romantic connection. The date appears to be in some kind of park, and the two of them reminisce about their early married days.
Gerry says, “We were so broke we’d invite our parents over because we knew they’d bring groceries.” …Umm, is that bad? Should I not be doing that?
Gerry gives Ellen matching earrings to go with her necklace and then leads her to a giant hot air balloon. Then, Gerry gives Ellen a rose.
He asks her if she’s ever been kissed at 100 feet and they share a romantic kiss. Ellen says, “The fire in that balloon is what I feel. A spark is not even close.” I got chills. I am writing that one down to use later on.
Over in the house, Theresa is falling apart because she hasn’t had much one-on-one time with Gerry yet. However, most of the women haven’t had any time with him, so unsurprisingly, this doesn’t go over amazingly. Tension is starting to set in because feelings are strong and jealousy is starting to creep in. Kathy and Theresa are building toward a confrontation because Theresa is talking about how great her date was while Kathy hasn’t had any time with Gerry.
Before the rose ceremony, Theresa tells the women that tonight is the night Gerry is going to make the hard decisions because things are getting serious and says it’s important to have that face time and connect. April interjects and says, “But if there is an intimate moment with somebody, I think the only way to handle that is with dignity and respect for him and you. Keep your mouth shut.” I don’t really understand what went on, but it was pretty tense. It was definitely the first confrontation we’ve had so far on the show.
Drama at the cocktail party
Before the rose ceremony, there’s a cocktail party, which is giving one last chance for women to have one-on-one time with Gerry — and also for Theresa and April to have a chat to clear things up.
They go off to talk and April explains that Kathy was upset by Theresa’s perceived bragging about her date. Theresa is confused by April being the middleman in this situation, and I have to agree with that. Kathy, meanwhile, is getting the one-on-one time with Gerry that she’s been wanting. She tells him that she’s been dealing with meanness in the house. Gerry takes it very seriously.
Gerry asks Kathy if there’s someone in particular he needs to look out for. Kathy, to her credit, demurs, and declines to name any names. She just says, somewhat enigmatically, “Sometimes what you see, isn’t what is.” This was the right call because, historically on Bachelor shows, whenever someone tells the lead about drama in the house, that person ends up going home. I’ve seen it time and time again.
Gerry seems to be really taken with the fact that Kathy is putting his happiness above her own and he offers her a rose.
Theresa pulls Kathy aside and says she was surprised about what April told her. Kathy tells Theresa that she feels she’s dismissive of her. “You’ve made me feel like you’re dismissing me. Like, ‘he and I are going off into the sunset, go pack because you’re going home.’” Theresa looks genuinely distraught at this and is very upset. She says she didn’t mean to make Kathy feel that way at all. Kathy says Theresa is sounding possessive, and territorial, and “get out of my way, he’s mine.” Meanwhile, Theresa probably just thinks she’s confiding in a friend about her relationship and how well it’s going. This is what we in the business like to call a misunderstanding.
Leslie perhaps has the best coping strategy: “When I don’t wanna hear about something, I turn down my hearing aids,” she says.
Poor Theresa goes off into the room to cry and Faith goes to comfort her. Cue Gerry walking in on this scene, and now he’s getting involved in the drama. Theresa tells Gerry everyone thinks she’s boasting about her connection. Honestly, I think she’s just excited but maybe needs to choose her audience a little better.
Gerry says, “If in your heart you don’t think you were being boastful then I think you should let it go.” He says to the camera that the drama could be a big stumbling block for their connection. Now Theresa’s rose is possibly compromised. Things are getting tense.
Who got eliminated on The Golden Bachelor episode 3 last week?
April says going into the rose ceremony, the mood is so stressful you could cut it with a knife.
The first rose goes to…Faith
Sandra
Gerry says, “Sandra, will you accept this rose?” she says “like a hole in one.” Can anyone tell me what this means?
Leslie
Nancy
Susan
April
And just like that, we’re at the final rose already. Wow, time really flies when you’re whittling down the contestants.
Theresa gets the final rose. That means unfortunately Edith and Christina are going home.
Theresa says she’s sad because she had a good relationship with Kathy before the drama and she apologizes while they’re up there during the rose ceremony. Theresa asks Kathy how her one-on-one time was and Kathy says, “Well I was mostly crying.” Theresa starts to talk about how Gerry comforted her in the bedroom and Kathy kind of flips at this and says, “He was in your bedroom? Theresa, that’s the kind of stuff you need to keep to yourself.” I understand that that could sound suggestive but as someone who has seen the layout of these bedrooms, Kathy should surely know that nothing untoward was happening on those bunk beds.
Kathy says, “I think Theresa is a nice person but I don’t know if she’s dumb as a rock or if she knows exactly what she’s doing.” Yikes.
Kathy leads a toast and wishes for a week of joy and adventure.
Teresa, meanwhile, has no idea what she’s in for. She says, “Kathy’s a good person, I’m a good person, we’re all good people here.” It’s like when you’re watching National Geographic and the baby gazelle has no idea the lion is lurking in the grass right behind it — this isn’t good.
Next episode is a pickleball group date and the Kathy/Theresa stuff is going to pick up, Ellen will show off her pickleball skills, and someone ends up getting injured. If only they’d done this pickleball warm-up.
