The vows, dresses, guests, and more!
The big day has arrived! Gerry and Theresa are getting married on live TV, and of course, I’m here to close out this chapter of their journey for you all.
When I first found out (yesterday) that the Golden Wedding was going to last two hours, my first thought was that this ceremony sounded like torture. I wondered, how could they possibly fill two hours? I’ve been to seven weddings this year alone, and I think the longest service was 30 minutes max — and that was plenty of time. My question was immediately answered when I turned on the TV and saw ABC was treating this like the Oscars and cutting between a live red carpet and pre-taped peeks into Gerry and Theresa’s life since the final rose.
If you lost interest in the series once the competition element ended or aren’t a fan of weddings but don’t want to feel out of the loop on your group text with the girls, don’t worry. I’m recapping the event with a celebratory glass of wine in hand.
The Golden Wedding red carpet
Our favorite (albeit slightly superfluous) host Jesse Palmer steps into the spotlight and tells us that his wife Emily is about to give birth. He saw Sandra missing her daughter’s wedding to play pickleball and raised her missing the birth of his child to basically MC a wedding.
Former contestant Kathy and former Bachelorette Charity are co-hosting the red carpet, and Kathy warns us that she won’t be zipping it with this mic in her hand and a responsibility to entertain.
Then we get a peek at Gerry and Theresa’s first blended family Christmas. Gerry is wearing a delightfully ugly sweater (and sticks out like a sore thumb) and there are like 65 people in this living room.
They make cinnamon balls, which Gerry’s late wife used to make. Gerry’s daughter says she thinks Toni would be happy they’re sharing the experience and keeping the tradition alive. They finish the confections, which look like beignets with cinnamon sugar, and now I want one.
During this family time, Gerry and Theresa share that they’ve made a wedding registry on Amazon. Luckily, I wasn’t invited to the wedding (no offense taken) so I don’t have to buy them a gift, and I’m assuming many of you are in the same boat. But, if you’re in the market for a wedding or engagement gift, there are a few good finds here.
Back on the red carpet, Gerry’s runner-up Leslie arrives. Good for her! Kathy addresses the elephant in the room: “We all know you had your heart broken on national TV.” Kathy was never one for subtlety. But Leslie tells Kathy, “At our age, we have to celebrate love” and reiterates that she and Theresa were friends the entire time in the house.
In the next pre-taped segment, Gerry and Theresa meet with Mindy Weiss, who’s done many a Kardashian party and is the event planner to the stars. ABC is pulling out all the stops. I’m starstruck.
Theresa says her first wedding was done in two days and happened in her basement. Truly embodying, “started from the bottom, now we’re here.” Gerry is letting Theresa make all the decisions for the big day — the only detail he cares about is the cake, and I don’t blame him.
Back at the wedding, Natascha gives a speech about how everyone watching at home from their couch should get up and make things happen and stop waiting for everybody else. Hear, hear.
Then we get a glimpse of Theresa’s search for a wedding dress with their daughters and castmates Susan and Kathy. I would’ve watched an entire Say Yes to the Dress episode of this, for what it’s worth. She had two beautiful choices but went with a classic style. (Spoiler alert: It’s the one on the left.)
In the next pre-taped scene, Theresa and Gerry meet with Susan to ask if she’ll officiate their wedding. This is, of course, the most perfect thing ever, because who else would do a better job? Nobody on this Earth, that’s who. And not just because she’s a professional, but because she’s also an absolute fan-favorite and quite possibly Gerry and Theresa’s biggest fan.
Back on the red carpet, it looks like love is in the air! A proposal takes place between Bachelor Nation’s Brayden Bowers and Christina Mandrell. Hey, it beats going on another season of Bachelor in Paradise. Neil Lane is busy this week!
Now, for the best scene of this special: Theresa’s bachelorette party! Faith, Ellen, Susan, and Sandra come back for the reunion we all wanted. Theresa gifts all the women with a boudoir shoot. She says she felt so free in her faux birthday suit during her limo entrance, and she wants to give that feeling to her friends. She wants to reinforce that women can feel sexy and confident no matter what their age. Susan, Sandra, and Faith are excited. Ellen…is horrified. Can we get her a sexy pickleball outfit? It seems Ellen’s fears were all for naught because they are naturals at this; I’ll take posing lessons from any one of them.
Next up, it’s time for the Chippendale’s dancers! This idea has Susan written all over it — how do I get invited to her family gatherings, or vice-versa? Sandra is having the time of her life and is more into the male strippers than I was at the bachelorette party I went to last summer. And she’s not the only one.
Theresa points out, “Gerry dated 22 women before me so I think I deserve this.”
Preach.
Back at the wedding, Sandra brought one of these lovely dancers as her wedding date. Icon behavior. If Sandra isn’t the Golden Bachelorette, I think we need a show of her, Susan, Kathy, Ellen, and whoever else wants just living in a house and going about their lives. Wait, did I just reinvent The Golden Girls?
Meanwhile, Kathy asks Faith the one question that’s been dogging her nonstop: Would she move for the right guy, or does she need to stay near her dead horse who’s buried in her backyard? She says she’d move for the right guy. You hear that, fellas? Farm sold separately!
Gerry and Theresa get married
And now, the ceremony begins, and I’m praying it’s not as long as this red carpet was. Gerry walks through a gorgeous pink and white flower arch and down the aisle alone, where Susan is already standing, ready to perform the ceremony. The groomsmen and bridesmaids walk down the aisle but take their seats in front instead of standing up at the altar, ensuring the golden couple has our undivided attention.
Before Theresa walks down the aisle, Jesse tells viewers they’re cutting to a commercial break. I love you ABC, but was this necessary?
When we’re back after what I can only imagine was an awkward break for a live wedding, Theresa stuns in her gown and veil. She and Gerry are already crying before she even gets up to the altar.
Susan’s speech
Susan officiates the wedding and she kills it. Of course, I’m taking notes so I can share the best quotes with you (and keep for myself):
For those who don’t know me, why? I’m Sussan, the shy, quiet one on the show.
Theresa and I met when she walked through the door of the Bachelor mansion in her birthday suit. Gerry and I met when I hopped out of the limo screaming, “Gerry, I’m gonna marry you!” Turns out I was right.
If five years ago someone told me I was going to be officiating the first Golden Bachelor wedding and he wasn’t picking me I would’ve said, “Yeah that sounds about right.” But never have I ever married a couple so deeply in love and so incredibly perfect for one another.
I truly believe it was fate that brought you two together. I mean, think about it, 30,000 people applied and you were both chosen to be on The Golden Bachelor! You have both given us all so much hope that it is never ever too late to find love.
Then Gerry’s daughters give a speech about how Gerry taught thousands of people compassion and kindness. They end with a great line: “Everybody here calls you the first Golden Bachelor. We’re just honored to call you dad.”
Next, Theresa’s daughter Jen gives a speech and tells Gerry to “take good care of my best friend since birth.”
Theresa’s vows
Theresa opens her vows with, “I went on The Golden Bachelor open to meeting the man of my dreams but I never expected it to happen. I walked out hoping I wouldn’t trip and fall on those cobblestones and I’d convince you I was naked underneath my robe. But then I stood in front of you and I started feeling something I didn’t expect to feel — as if I’ve known you all my life.”
She closed by expressing her love for Gerry: “I love your heart and your soul and your smiles and your laughter. We have so much fun together, we laugh until we cry, and we face challenges — including a near-death experience on the California freeway.”
She says she’ll be his partner ‘till death do them part — even if that’s an hour from now. (Dark, our tips for living a long, healthy life will ensure that doesn’t happen for a while.)
Gerry’s vows
Gerry says, “Theresa, when I think of all the decisions we’ve made to be in this position tonight, I know the winds of fate have ordained this moment.”
We’ve already got chills. He continues, “I know I’ve found a full partner to share all of life’s experiences that are thrown at us.” Then he reminds everyone what a catch he is: “I promise if you’re my partner in life, I’ll make you the happiest woman on earth. I promise to choose you every day as the one I love and never take your heart for granted. I promise to shout the I love you’s by day and whisper them softly at night. I promise to make you feel safe and comforted in difficult times and abundantly joyful in great times.”
He adds, “I promise these things with the 100 percent confidence that I had in Costa Rica when I asked you to marry me. Because it wasn’t my ear you whispered in when you said I love you, but my very soul.”
The camera cuts to Leslie during this, which seems cold. To her credit, she keeps a good poker face.
Gerry closes out his vows by saying, “You were the love that came silently without warning. You were authentic. Theresa, you have my heart and I have yours.” I’m not going to lie, I got chills and I may or may not be sending this recap to my boyfriend…
The final moments
They exchange rings and Susan says, “Before we go further, I want you to take a minute and look into each other’s eyes. Think about where you’ll be in 10 years.”
There’s awkward laughter and Susan says, “Hey, I could’ve said 20.”
And with that, they’re married! Now it’s time to party, and Theresa gets the bouquet toss out of the way early. Unsurprisingly, a few former contestants fight for those roses.
While I’ll be watching and virtually dancing with the Golden Ladies, this is where my recap ends. Cheers to Gerry and Theresa, and to the inaugural Golden Bachelor!
