“Going into that date, I felt like we were in a good place.”
If you watched The Golden Bachelorette this week, then you know that things didn’t exactly end the way Joan Vassos had planned. Before we go any further, we feel compelled to warn you that discussions of Oct. 30’s episode are ahead — so if you’re not caught up, you might want to come back another time. But if you did see episode 7, then you know that Joan was supposed to embark on overnight dates with her top three guys: Guy, Pascal, and Chock. You also know that Joan was thrown for a loop when Pascal decided to leave the show before even getting to the nighttime portion of the date. (Read our full recap of what went down.)
Why did Pascal self-eliminate on The Golden Bachelorette?
If you’re like us, you might still feel thrown off by Pascal’s decision to leave The Golden Bachelorette after his date with Joan, which involved a Tahitian bonding ceremony. Pascal told Joan that he felt more of a friendship connection with her. He revealed that he wasn’t in love because he wasn’t over his previous relationship.
Joan took this disappointing news like a champ — and while she was certainly upset, she understood. But Pascal’s exit sowed some seeds of doubt in Joan’s mind about her journey and whether she would really find love at the end of it.
We caught up with Joan to get more clarity on her disappointing date, how she felt about Pascal self-eliminating, hometown dates, and more.
Katie Couric Media: Before we get to the most recent episode, one thing I was pleasantly surprised by during hometowns was that nobody interrogated you. Were the conversations really that easy?
Joan Vassos: They actually really were! I was a little worried because my kids are protective of me now. They’re worried about my heart being broken — and I thought these men’s daughters and sons would be the same way, especially with a father because they seem kind of fragile when they’re talking about emotions. They go from being the strong father and in charge of everything to being way more vulnerable. So I thought, these kids are going to be really protective of their fathers. I expected them to be a little harder on me.
But what I came to realize is that they want their fathers to be happy and that they trusted that if they’d gotten this far to their hometowns, they were really invested in it. I felt the same about their brothers and sisters and the other people I met. We’re old enough now that we’re not going to make a bad decision. I think we’re pretty good at judging the people we’re dating.
Did your kids have any words of advice for you before you started your journey?
Well, you would hope that they were giving me love advice, but they were like, “Do not kiss a lot of men on TV and don’t do fantasy suites.” So now, every episode I watch, my one daughter calls me and tells me how many men I kissed, and she’s appalled every time.
Regarding the fantasy suites, why did you make it a point to have those conversations about your boundaries?
It was important to me that I did that my way, because I definitely did not feel comfortable doing the physical aspect of the fantasy suites. I want a good physical relationship, even at this age, but I certainly was not doing that with three people. So I just took that off the table for everybody, and the guys were so respectful. In fact, I feel like it was a bit of a relief. I think everybody realized that was the right thing to do because if somebody ends up with me, I think knowing that I’d just had a physical relationship with someone else would be hard on the relationship.
Let’s talk about your date with Pascal. What was going through your mind during that commitment ceremony?
The Bachelor always has a cultural date when you’re getting toward the end. They always look a little uncomfortable to me, at least initially. Sometimes the couples come around and it ends up being really good, and sometimes it just remains awkward. So when we came into this one, I was nervous because I feel awkward in those situations, and clearly, we both were uncomfortable.
Pascal seemed more at ease than I was in the beginning, because he could understand their language. He was translating, but that also put the burden on him to be hosting the date when it’s usually my job.
But then, as we got into the Tahitian bonding ceremony, it became way more uncomfortable. We were asked to talk about things that neither of us were ready to talk about. I just felt very uncomfortable. He clearly was uncomfortable. He was sweating. I could tell things weren’t good, and by the end of it, I felt like he couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He was done. The ceremony was fairly long, and it was emotional, and neither one of us felt comfortable doing it. So I knew, as that date ended, we were not in a great place.
Looking back, how much do you think that activity played a role in what happened later that night?
There were hints before that things might not be great. At his hometown date, he said, “I’ve had some heartbreak in my life, and I just need to move slowly.” It seemed like a little bit of a red flag, but not a final thing — he was keeping the door open. When I needed to make a decision about the last person I was going to take to Tahiti, it came down to Pascal and Jordan, and Jordan seemed less sure about us. He was fairly certain he wouldn’t make it to the place I needed him to be on the last day. So I decided to bring Pascal, knowing that it was a bit of a risk.
But going into that date, I felt like we were in a good place because when I gave him the rose at that last rose ceremony at the mansion, he whispered to me, “My walls are coming down.”
But when we came out of that date, it felt like a wedding day, and I think it scared him — and I also was not ready for that kind of vibe at all. We certainly weren’t at that place. So when the date was over, we were not in a good place, and I knew that.
That’s fair. On the hometown dates with both Jordan and Pascal, you said: “I’m worried we’ll get to the end, and he won’t pick me.” Do you think that’s a concern that the male leads have?
That’s a really good question. Because I said to Jesse, “These hometowns were not what I expected.” I thought that I was choosing, and the men were automatically going to like me. I thought it would be way harder for me to have multiple relationships and try to figure out my heart. It shouldn’t have been as hard for them, in my mind.
I thought that when I got down to the final four, they would want to be with me, and that they would be as far along in their emotions and the journey as I was. I found that they weren’t, and that was really shocking.
Jesse told me, “I had the same problem. I had a girl self-eliminate right at the end.” He was so shocked, and I said, “Well, I feel like, Am I not lovable? Did I do something wrong that I’m surprised that they’re not as far along as I am? Because I felt like my journey was way harder.” I did think that I had failed in some way, but Jesse made me feel better because he was a male lead, he was a professional football player — he had a lot of great qualities — and he still had somebody to self-eliminate.
Ultimately, you do want it to be a mutual decision.
I actually said that multiple times during rose ceremonies. I said, “This is a two-way street, and you don’t have to accept a rose. If you don’t feel like you are forming a bond with me, or we don’t have a romantic future, you don’t have to take the rose.” I just was surprised when it came down to the final four. I thought, at that point, I could be confident that they felt the same way about me as I did them.
I guess we never know what’s coming on The Golden Bachelorette.
I certainly didn’t expect it!
