Let the games begin.
Well, folks, we made it! After a successful (and addictive) first season of The Golden Bachelor and months of waiting, The Golden Bachelorette is finally premiering, bringing some much-needed levity to my Wednesday nights. OK, that’s dramatic, my list isn’t that dark. But I am very excited to be back here, recapping these episodes and cracking some jokes along the way.
I’m seated, snack in hand and computer within reach, and the episode opens with the season’s star, Joan Vassos, preparing for her first night in the Bachelor mansion. She’s trying on her sequined gown and putting on earrings. Over a voiceover, she explains she’s hoping that she’ll be able to have two great loves of her life — her husband and, presumably, whoever she finds here.
We see a montage of Joan’s husband, John, and she recounts how she met her husband and what it was like when he got sick. I won’t recap all those details because you can read about John and Joan’s love story right here.
Joan says John was an “amazing” husband. “He made me feel special and safe every single day of my life, and then, poof, he was gone.” This quality of safety is going to be a recurring theme this season, so keep your eyes peeled for guys whom Joan says make her feel secure; I bet those are the ones who will make it far in this competition.
She says she “honestly felt invisible” after he died and her future died with him. She notes that “no one’s gonna replace John,” but the feeling of renewed hope for her future is the reason she’s here. “Representing all those people in their golden years is such an honor….things sag, things don’t look as good, but I’m 61 years old, and I’m fine with it. The way you look and the way you feel are different things.”
Then, we see Joan with her daughter and playing with her grandkids, plus a family montage. She says, “I am a mother and a grandmother first. I always will be. But I do feel like there’s something missing. It’s time for me to do something for myself.”
I wish my version of “doing something for myself” could be getting glammed up and having 24 amazing hand-picked suitors paraded before me, but alas, it’s eating cookie dough in front of The Real Housewives. We should all be so lucky!
Now, the moment that we’ve all been waiting for: Joan steps onto the set. We pull up in front of the Bachelor Mansion, and Joan gives Jesse Palmer a big hug.
Jesse: How does it feel to be back here?
Joan: It feels so surreal…I thought when I left here, I was gone forever.
The Golden Bachelorette contestant arrivals and best entrances
Without further ado, it’s time to meet the men! Here are some of the most memorable entrances.
Pascal walks right up to Joan and seduces her with his accent, which Joan declares sexy. Enchanté! I guess when you’re French, your gimmick can just be having a hot accent.
Kim comes out in a white Navy uniform. It’s a good choice: Joan says, “I love a man in uniform.” He’s a retired Navy captain. I should’ve guessed that, given that upon closer examination, he’s giving serious Captain Lee vibes. If you know, you know.
We learn Kim spent 27 years in the Navy, and was divorced once and then lost his second wife, Mary, to cancer. It’s been six years since Mary’s death, and he’s ready for love. While taking off his wedding ring, he says Mary would have wanted him to open himself up to love again. “After six years, I’m finally ready.”
Next up we have Chock, who’s carrying a jar full of…soup. He wants to challenge Joan, who apparently has a killer chicken noodle soup recipe, to a broth-off. That’s certainly one way to make an impression. He’s already talking about making this soup for Joan’s family on a hometown visit. Whoa, Chock, slow your roll!
Jonathan emerges from the limo wearing a gold eye mask. Most amazingly, he walks straight toward Joan and not right into the bushes (although he comes close to crashing into her). He says what she said about feeling invisible at their age really resonated with him. I can’t help but wonder who is letting that face go unnoticed. He wanted to make their first meeting special — I guess that’s one way to approach a blind date.
Remember those wholesome vibes we couldn’t get enough of on The Golden Bachelor? They’re back in full force. Gary says that even though all the guys are his competition, they’ve also become his brothers in a way. Many of the men admit to having intense nerves. Watching them bond and talk about their grandkids in the mansion instead of sizing each other up like younger contestants tend to do might be the highlight of the episode, at least so far.
“There’s a lot of testosterone in this room, but not as much as there would’ve been 40 years ago,” Gary points out. It seems better this way!
The Charleses, collectively, are going to be the hams of the house. Charles L.’s first words out of the limo are, “I’m 66 years old, but I look like I’m 36.” He’s also a widower; his wife of 36 years died suddenly. Charles K. walks out of the limo, hobbling with a cane, drops his cane, and then falls to the ground and starts doing push-ups.
There’s a Frank Sinatra “My Way” serenade courtesy of Jack, who then watches the rest of the entrances from the shadows, narrating hilariously as the men arrive and impress him. He’s not the only one impressed.
Because no season of The Bachelor or Bachelorette would be complete without it, David shows up on a horse. There always has to be one animal-related entrance.
There are other arrivals, of course (somehow Joan stands through 24 elaborate and sometimes long introductions), but those are the ones worth noting.
Before they wrap up, Jesse says there’s one more limo set to arrive. Is it Gerry? Why do I feel like it’s Gerry? That would be such a twist.
OK, I was very wrong, it’s…well, I don’t know who this woman is. Props to Joan because I would’ve been like, “Who?” Apparently, this is Kelsey, the winner of Joey’s season of The Bachelor. (Sorry, I like my bachelor/bachelorettes like I like my jewelry: gold only.) She’s here to introduce Joan to her dad, Mark! Well, that was a fun twist. Not as fun as Gerry coming back for round 2 would have been, but I’ll take it.
We find out that Mark’s wife died in 2018, and he has had a hard time envisioning moving on (even though she wanted him to) because he had the “perfect partner” and doesn’t know what it’ll be like trying to find someone who measures up. She’s still in his heart, but he knows there’s room for someone else. Hello, EMS? I’ve been hit right in the feels!
And now we can let the games begin. Joan gets a standing ovation as she walks in to greet the men — as she should.
Joan’s first one-on-ones
Once everybody’s out of the limo and in the mansion, Joan gets one-on-one time with the men.
Pascal is the first to pull Joan aside. In a confessional, he reveals that since he works in the beauty industry, he’s very comfortable with women and that chemistry is crucial to him. She tells him she’s looking for a man who’s kind, a gentleman, and someone ready for adventure. Pascal says he’s spontaneous: “If you want to go to Paris for four days, we can do that.” This is the perfect thing to say because for American women, going to Paris for a long weekend is the epitome of romance and spontaneity, while for Pascal, this is just “going home for a couple of days.” Touché, sir. Touché. He also said he wouldn’t be here if she weren’t the lead. He takes out a letter his son wrote him when he left for the show and asks her to read it, which she declines because she doesn’t have her glasses. So he reads the sweet letter that sweeps Joan off her feet.
Inside, the men compare fake hips and their preparation for the show, such a responsible bunch.
Dan and Joan talk about parenthood, and he reveals he adopted his daughter. He says his kids are his world and that he takes his daughters’ advice very seriously.
Charles L. says Joan has “a lot of energy,” which is a sentence nobody has or will ever say about 32-year-old me.
Charles K. and Joan race electric mobility scooters, we kid you not.
Jordan tells Joan that he’s from Chicago and is a girl dad. He gives her a sweatshirt for her grandkid with a hotdog and Chicago-style pizza on it. We have lots of girl dads and Chicago representation this season! He also whips out some pickleball props, and they play. Why am I not surprised? My beloved Ellen would be thrilled.
Like many (especially in this age bracket), the rest of the men can’t resist pickleball, so they all come out to join the game. I guess we’re having our first group date?
Charles L. wins the relatability award for spending his time marveling at the huge refrigerator and how well-stocked it is with meat. This is me anytime I visit any of my friends’ apartments, followed by me immediately asking them how much their rent is and if there are any upcoming vacancies.
But Jack gets an honorable mention for walking around the house completely amazed by the extravagance of it all before making himself at home in the kitchen cooking up a tenderloin for Joan.
For the next course, Charles L. makes some tea and dessert.
All around, there’s lots of bonding and vulnerability, which confirms what Joan told us about the season in our exclusive interview.
Before we know it, Jesse comes out with a single rose on a plate. You know what that means (although some of these men do not…cough, Pascal, cough) — it’s time for Joan to give out the first impression rose. Time really does fly when you’re having fun.
Don’t forget: The recipient of this rose is automatically safe during the first elimination.
Who gets the first impression rose on The Golden Bachelorette premiere?
It’s been a longggg night — for me, first and foremost. I’m kidding, but these men are definitely getting tired.
I’m surprised to see Joan walk by Pascal and approach…Keith! Joan says she loved that Keith arrived in an old station wagon, which reminded her of her childhood. She says Keith makes her feel really safe. Keith is a giant teddy bear, so I do get that. And they share the first kiss of the season. Hooray!
And now, a surprise: Jesse Palmer wheels out a flatscreen TV like every substitute teacher on movie day. What could this be?
Aww, we’re watching videos from the guys’ kids (and David’s mom)! It’s so sweet and causing quite a few tears among the men…and me.
Who got eliminated on The Golden Bachelorette premiere?
Alas, eliminations cannot be avoided much longer. The men stand silently (for the first time) in a room waiting for Joan to make some cuts.
The first rose goes to Dan.
Then the roses go, in order, to:
- Jonathan
- Mark
- Guy
- Charles K.
- Gil
- Gary
- Pascal
- Chock
- Kim
- Christopher
- Gregg
We have just a few roses left, and Joan needs to take a break because she’s overwhelmed at the thought of having to send any of these guys home. She and Jesse debrief, and after a little pep talk, she’s ready to go back in there to hand the final roses to…
- Charles L.
- Jordan
- Bob
- Michael
And the last rose goes to…Jack. Thank god, we need more of his Chicago mobster energy in the hose. Not that I think Jack is in the mob, but he has the vibe of the guy who runs the restaurant that the mobsters all go to. I guess that makes him Artie Bucco?
That means Ken, Pablo, and R.J. are going home.
After goodbyes, the energy settles. The remaining contestants and Joan seem overwhelmingly relieved to have the first rose ceremony behind them. They toast…and, hopefully, go to bed.
But wait, is Gerry joining The Golden Bachelorette?
In the scenes for the rest of the season we see lots of tears, Joan saying “I love you” to Mark, and some breathtaking dates. But most shocking is an appearance from Golden Bachelor Gerry, who asks Joan, “Have you considered the possibility that your guy is not here?” Way to throw a wrench in everything, Gerry. Let’s not forget, Gerry and contestant Theresa got married after the show, but later divorced. So, it’s safe to assume he’s single. We’re not sure what he’s after here, but we can’t deny they had a connection before Joan left his season abruptly. We can’t wait to see how that conversation unfolds.
And that’s a wrap on The Golden Bachelorette premiere! I don’t know about you all, but I’m excited to see more of these guys and watch these relationships evolve.
We’ll have recaps weekly, so keep your eyes on this site and make sure you’re subscribed to Wake-Up Call to be the first to read them bright and early on Thursday mornings.
