This podcaster, publisher, and author opens up about reading and writing with her whole self.
Zibby Owens wants you to read. Not in a pushy, anxious, guilt-tripping way that reminds you that you already have a never-ending to-do list — instead, Zibby is an advocate for the life-changing magic of books. As an author, publisher, podcast host of the award-winning Moms Don’t Have Time to Read Books, and, by the way, a KCM contributor, Zibby’s mission is to celebrate the ephemeral splendor of reading. Her new memoir, Bookends: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Literature, tells her life story while honoring the books that have shaped, changed, and saved her.
Zibby’s work often focuses on healing through reading, but she also pursues self-discovery through writing and creating. Here, she discusses the unique challenges of crafting a memoir while also hosting a prolific podcast and interviewing authors from a wide variety of backgrounds.
KCM: What initially inspired you to write your memoir and can you talk about the significance of the title, Bookends?
Zibby Owens: What originally inspired me was the loss of my best friend on 9/11. I was 25. I started writing a version of this book immediately after through essays in my business school newspaper, The Harvest. Then right after business school back in 2003, I tried writing a memoir about that whole experience. I put it aside for a number of years after that; it was soon after 9/11.
As I got older and had more and more experiences, I still felt this compulsion to tell that story and how it changed my life.
As I had kids and went through more losses and tragedies, I just felt like it was a whole story that I had to tell. I knew that there were people who would connect with my story because most of the things I’ve gone through, someone’s gone through in one way, shape, or form.
I feel like this whole memoir is essentially bookends from that 9/11 moment until today. And the books that start and end every part of my life because books are interwoven into everything. They’re the throughline for everything and have helped me through the good, the bad, and the ugly.
How have books helped you navigate the ups and downs of your own life?
For example, after the loss of my mother-in-law from COVID, I dove deep into books where people got through something. I read Sarah Evans’ Born to Run. She got into an accident when she was child and got through it. Having role models in literature gives me a roadmap.
During the process of writing and revisiting the story of your life, did you unlock any new lessons?
It gave me a moment to reflect on the whole thing. Looking back from that vantage point, it became clear to me that everything mattered. Even things that seemed pointless. Whether it was a boring assignment at work, a loss that seemed so senseless, or a book that meant a lot — all these little moments, when I wrote them, really made sense.
When people ask, “What would you tell your younger self?” I say, “Someday it will all make sense.” Right now, I’m in that place where I feel very clear about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. I never would have been able to predict that before.
I think it’s enabled me to look more analytically at a way bigger picture. Even when I was at home with my kids for 11 years. I didn’t think, Oh, I’m gonna stay home for 11 years. It was the decision I felt I needed to make at that time. I’ve learned I can come back from that. Now that can help inspire other people. It’s been a great exercise.
Which part of the book was the most fun for you to write and revisit?
Falling in love with [my husband] Kyle. That was really fun.
What about the most difficult?
It was tough going back into the grief I felt at losing so many people. I dove deep into that pain.
You’ve dedicated your life to spreading the word about how books can change people’s lives and inspire them. Where does that passion come from?
Books have helped me through so much. They’ve entertained me, educated me, assisted me, thrilled me — all the good things. For so long, I have considered authors to be rock stars. Once I started sitting down with authors for the podcast, I knew I had to get their stories out.
I’ve always recommended books to people. I’ve always been the one that people ask, “I’m going on a trip, what should I read?” I don’t know where that comes from. I think it’s because I’ve always done so much of it.
How do you decide which books are worthy of sharing?
It’s a combination of books that represent a range of experiences, voices, and perspectives. It’s always important to include a diversity of perspectives and backgrounds. I take that into consideration for the podcast and articles, too. You can’t only read one person’s point of view. How is that going to help you be a more empathetic soul in the universe?
I evaluate how well it’s written and if it speaks to a particularly interesting topic. But mostly it has to be one of those books where you’re like, “This is something I would totally sit down and read right now if I had the time to do it.” There are way too many books for me to recommend.
As a publisher and author, I’m facing this all the time. There’s an oversupply of books in the marketplace with not enough demand, which is why some really amazing books might not sell as well as the authors might hope. I think it’s a structural issue. I see it play out daily as I choose books. The other books aren’t badly written — they’re great books. But I have to pick what I respond to and what will keep me up at night. I balance the plot, narrator, author, topic, and genre. Some fiction, some thriller, some memoir. Every so often, I throw in a poetry book or a children’s book. I like to mix it up.
Do you prefer to read hard copies of books over digital?
Yes.
I can read the hardcopy a lot faster. I have trained myself in a certain method. If I pick up a book, I can scan both pages. I also like to be very hands-on with books. I like to flip back and forth, I like to dog ear a page, I like to grab a pen and underline. I like to pick it up next time and flip back a few pages to reread. That’s much harder to do digitally. I like to be in it — reading is very physical for me. I do have to read a lot online for the podcast. I’ll do it, but it’s not as immersive as feeling, touching, and smelling a book.
How many books do you think you’ve read in your lifetime?
Thousands. I’ve interviewed something like 1200 authors for the podcast. I didn’t read every single book from start to finish, but I’ve been intimately acquainted with them all. I’m 45. I’ve been reading since I was really little. That’s a lot of years of reading. I think even at my most busy, I’d still probably read at least 30 books a year.
What are the most important lessons that you want readers to take away from your memoir?
Parts of life are really hard, but they’re not always going to be hard. They’re hard for a lot of people and no one should feel alone in that.
There is hope. Things change drastically — like in my life. I never could have imagined what my life would be. I still really marvel at it all the time. It’s crazy.
Life is short. Our time is limited. My whole brand is built on time. Mom’s don’t have time to do this, that, or the other thing. It’s tongue in cheek because time is the only thing that’s running out for all of us — no matter who we are or what we’re doing. It sounds trite to say we have to make the best of it, but it is running out. My dad always says, “Life’s too short to be miserable.” I like that.
Also, don’t miss the plot. What’s really important to you? Don’t lose that thread. Try to find meaning and look for your own storyline.
And read. Read books. Inhale them. Pile them up beside you. Find what you love. Dive into someone else’s story and see how it changes you.
Do you save all of your books or give them away?
I’ve saved a lot of my books. At one point, I gave away a lot. I’m really sad about that. But I still have a lot of my childhood books that my mom saved.
What advice would you give to someone who wants to write their own memoir?
Everyone has a story. It doesn’t have to be an extreme story. You don’t have to have scaled a mountain or clawed your way out of a life threatening condition.
If you’re one of those people who has always felt compelled to write your story, you should listen to that voice. You shouldn’t write it because you want to make a lot of money from it or sell a lot of copies. You should do it because you need to do it. Then wait and see where that takes you.
And if you’ve never wanted to write a memoir, don’t bother.
Also, read a ton of memoirs. Think about the memoirs that you’ve loved and what they did well. What did you like about them so much?
Pay close attention to what you’re sharing and if you’re comfortable sharing it. Is it OK with everybody in your life? Ultimately, a book will come out. You have to live with it and your family does, too. Unless you’re willing to alienate people, make sure it’s OK before you press go.
