Plus, what it was like playing a character so similar to his own father in his new movie The Tender Bar.
In his new movie, The Tender Bar, Ben Affleck plays a character very close to home…not literally, for a change — this movie does not take place in Boston, but in a Long Island town. Instead, the character he plays is a lot like someone he understands very well: His own father.
Based on the 2004 memoir by J. R. Moehringer and directed by George Clooney, The Tender Bar is a coming-of-age story about a young man in search of a father figure, and the uncle who fills that void. Affleck plays Uncle Charlie, and found himself pretty easily connecting with the character, who works in a bar and has a passion for writing and reading that he passes down to his nephew.
Katie asked Affleck what it was like to play someone so similar to his own dad — in a story a lot like his own upbringing — and whether he’s found happiness in his personal and professional lives.
Katie Couric: The last time I saw you was in 2004 — I interviewed you while you were promoting Jersey Girl. And then you showed me around Boston because the Democratic National Convention was being held there. It’s been 17 years since then! So, what’s new?!
Ben Affleck: Things have been good! You know: up and down, good and bad, a little sunshine, a little rain.
KC: Let’s talk about The Tender Bar. I loved the book by J. R. Moehringer, and I was curious: Did you read it when it came out, or did you read it after you got the part?
I read it sort of between when it came out and when I got the part. The actress and director Clea Duvall is a really good friend of mine — she was in Argo and she gave me the book. She thought I would find it interesting, and I really did. I was moved by it and connected to a lot of things in it, and then I moved on. Then, one day out of the blue, the phone rang and it was George [Clooney]. “I’m adapting The Tender Bar and I want you to do it.” And I said, “the uncle part? The good part?” he says, “Yeah…” As if he were gonna offer me the kid, right? No, you can’t play a 21-year-old. You know why? Because you’re 50!
But actually, the truth is that the parts get better as you get older, because they’re more interesting people: they’ve seen more. So they tend to be more nuanced and textured and flawed and real. And you can bring a little bit more to them, especially if you’ve also gone through things. I feel really grateful that George came to me. We had a great experience working together on Argo, and I knew this could be a great role. So it felt very important to me to pull it off both because I was very appreciative of the faith George showed in me, and I take my work very seriously.
Also, the book’s really about the importance of fostering love and a sense of self-worth and self-reliance and passion, and parenting effectively, which is the central dominating issue of my life. So I identify with that more than anything.
KC: Yeah, there were so many crazy parallels between your life and this story. The fact that your dad was a bartender, Uncle Charlie’s a bartender. The fact that your dad is an alcoholic and was much more present in your life than J.R.’s, but also kind of distant at times, like J.R.’s dad. So these parts of your childhood must have made this material so resonant with you.
Absolutely. Yes, I had this chance to experience a present father who gave me a love of literature, not unlike this Uncle Charlie character — he didn’t go to college, I don’t think he graduated high school, he was not a fancy guy. He was an auto mechanic, then a janitor, and then a bartender. And a tremendous reader, a really good writer, a guy who was like, “You don’t have to be rich or go to a good school to have a good vocabulary.” I sort of credit-slash-blame him for why I’m so talky and verbose.
Also, he was an alcoholic and he’s now been sober for 30-plus years. But the nadir of his alcoholism was during my early and middle adolescence, I think he got sober when I was 18 or 19. Those years, even though they were short in number, they’re so critical for a kid. So those periods of absence, I felt very acutely.
I had the experience of the J.R. character, both in having a present father and in having a father who was absent and finding myself looking for that model elsewhere. I was lucky because there were other people: My godfather Jack was a wonderful, lovely man who I adore. I had a spectacular drama teacher in high school who was very meaningful to me. And of course, my mom. And this movie is really an ode and a testament to single moms, to working moms who do an incredible, valiant, self-sacrificing, amazing thing. I also recognize that too many men neglect that responsibility for reasons that are really a mystery to me, except that they must be really, really damaged. But that neglect of a child is undoubtedly the principal failure of one’s life, because it’s both the most important responsibility as a human being, and it’s also the most enriching experience you can have.
KC: You’re co-parenting three great kids. Did you think, while you were making this movie, Wow, am I teaching my kids enough life lessons? Am I teaching them the kinds of things that Uncle Charlie was teaching J.R.? Because I think parents constantly question themselves: Are we doing enough? Are we doing it right?
I think all parents do. I know I do. I spend so much time thinking about it. Especially when you have half the time with your kids: you want to put the whole week into those three and a half days and be super-dad for that time. But the one area that I don’t feel insecure about is whether I’m passing along enough life lessons. I got my 16-year-old daughter to read the script and she rolled her eyes, as she does about all my work, and said, “Well, Dad, this is definitely fantasy, because you’re playing yourself, a guy who just stands around and lectures children, but these children seem to listen to you.” There you go.
KC: I know you don’t wanna talk about your relationship. But I wanted to ask: Do you feel like you’re in a good place? Both professionally and personally, you seem happy. I’m almost sick of seeing pictures of you everywhere, though!
I live my life in the same way that I have been, but if it becomes of more or less interest — sells more clicks or whatever — then you’re more present in people’s lives. And I don’t know if that does me any good. You don’t want people to be exhausted by seeing you all the time, because it naturally breeds a sort of resentment, like, “I’m sick of you,” you know?
KC: I think you’re right — that constant feed of photos probably doesn’t help you.
No, I’m quite sure it doesn’t, having been through multiple times.
I am happy. I hesitate to hold myself up as some model of contentment of wisdom, like the Buddha. But I am happy in a very simple way, which is that I’ve become really clear about what’s important to me, and where my work sits in that, where my kids sit in that — which is front and center — and how I need to feel about my character. And what kind of actions I need to take in order to feel good about myself the next day — and how much I like it better when I feel good about yesterday. It’s nothing too advanced or special: It’s finding out what your priorities are, and that makes everything pretty easy.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
