RAMONA ON CORONA….and March 1 and The Vaccine Yenta

woman exercising while eating a bagel

A humor series on navigating this difficult time

I’m sharing another installment of a humor series from my friend Pam Goldman, centering on a woman named Ramona, who tries to help… in her own way. If you’re new to this series: Here’s the previous installment.


Can you believe it’s been a year? I ask myself, why, when the days were soooooo long, the weeks and months have flown by? Suddenly we are at the one-year demarcation of LIFE BEFORE and LIFE AFTER, the bifurcation of the world’s routine pandemonium and the pulverization of all that was routine by the pandemic. 

We might all ask ourselves, “How has this year changed me?” I would say I pretty much lost my personality. I went from effervescent to eh. I’ve been neutralized by mask-wearing and it would not surprise me at all if I need serious Physical Therapy to reactivate my smile muscles. It will take time and commitment. 

My social skills have atrophied. When I resume normal social life, I’ll have to resist conversation starters like, “Six feet back and where’s your mask?” I volunteer in my community as Lieutenant General of the Mask Police. I passed a woman the other day coming out of the post office as I was going in. She was maskless so I tripped her. Just kidding. But I seriously wanted to.

Our freezer’s not jam-packed anymore. We thawed a lot of the contents this winter. K.’s stopped hoarding toilet paper and Dijon mustard. He still does curb-side pick up double-masked. Did I tell you I’m taking virtual Pilates? I told the instructor I only have 5 or 6 limitations on what I can do: Bending, sitting, lifting, laying, stretching and twisting, basically anything involving arms, legs, thighs, knees, torso or neck. She suggested I try meditation. On a barcalounger. Tilted all the way back. 

Have you been vaccinated yet? Frustrated at not being able to secure an appointment? If so you might try contacting the “Vaccine Yenta.” The New Yorker profiled her last week. Carolyn Ruvkun, 29, lives in Brooklyn and while unemployed during Covid she began helping the elderly left totally farklempt after attempting to navigate the online system. Yenta Ruvkun does the leg work (arm work?) for them. Dedicated, efficient and determined she’s booked about one hundred appointments thus far for one hundred very grateful seniors. 

Though many of my columns have resonated with folks in my demographic (Gagas and Gramps), I am wondering how many of you have school-aged children and have been home tearing your hair out for the past year. I remember well the challenges of parenting in normal times, when kids left the house for school at 7:30 a.m. and returned home at 3 p.m. or following after school activities and sports, not until 6 p.m.! Ah, those were the days!

I can only imagine what this year has been like for parents in charge of homeschooling and getting their own work done, and cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping and more, if you are taking care of an elderly parent or have pets. There should be a recovery place for you that looks like a Ritz-Carlton at the end of all this, free with a two-week minimum stay. 

Barring that, I have a few suggestions to help get you through the next few months, if schools have not reopened in your area.

  1. Get at least 8 hours sleep or you will be useless the next day.
  2. Eat a good breakfast including brain food (protein) so you’re firing on all cylinders. 
  3. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Leave the dishes from last night in the sink with a note for your significant other.
  4. Let the laundry pile up until the weekend. Tell the kids you’re suffering from mood swings and hot flashes. They will be grossed out and do the laundry for you. 
  5. Compartmentalize your personal goals and what you need to do for others in the household. Make a flowchart.
  6. Take a one-hour bath at the end of the day. Be sure to double lock the door.
  7. If you’re going bonkers trying to help your kids with homework I suggest a newly published book titled Taking the Stress Out of Homework by Abby Freireich and Brian Platzer, two experienced teachers who have created a successful business, Teachers Who Tutor, in New York City. (Jenna Bush Hager and others have found it invaluable while homeschooling their own children).

Finally, enjoy the chaos! I miss having children in the house every day. It’s very quiet without them. Neat but quiet. I couldn’t see it that way when they were here. I was too busy to reflect on the wonder of having these little people living with me 24/7☺ 

Lucky you!