A humor series on navigating this difficult time
I’m sharing another installment of a humor series from my friend Pam Goldman, centering on a woman named Ramona, who tries to help… in her own way. If you’re new to this series: Here’s the previous installment.
YIKES! OMG! I write this the day after D.T.’s attempted coup d’etat, the one New York Times journalist Tom Friedman predicted and railed against days ago. It’s not that Mr. Friedman is prescient. He just called out what was happening boldly in tweets and on television for all of us to see. We just didn’t think he would do it.
Where were our elected representatives not just this past week but for the last four years? Domestic terrorism fomented by D.T. has been at a slow simmer from the outset of his administration and Wednesday it boiled over. Was anyone really surprised? Yet it was a shock, stunning in the audacity and recklessness of his crazed followers.
In the long shadow cast by January 6th, a day that will ‘live in infamy’, the balance of power in the Senate shifted with stunning victories by Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff in Georgia and President-elect Joe Biden and Vice-President-elect Kamala Harris were confirmed as the next President and Vice-President of the United States, having trounced D.T. in the Electoral College vote.
Breathe, Ramona. Breathe, dear readers.
Now, see below the installment I wrote the day before Wednesday’s failed attempt to implode our government. It’s the lead-up to D.T.’s lighting the match.
I watched “Mad Man” on T.V. last night. That’s not a typo. (I loved the series “Mad Men” but that is not what I’m talking about). In this “Mad Man” on location in Dalton, Georgia, the antagonist, D.T., fighting the protagonist, D. (Democracy), declared he had won the Presidency, saying, “When you win in a landslide and they steal it and it’s rigged, it’s not acceptable.” After all, how could he lose when he won most of the states the “lamestream media” reported as losses?
He claimed that Biden, Harris, Schumer and Pelosi don’t love their country. He warned that they would bring Communism/Marxism/Socialism to America and allow a flood of illegal aliens, drug addicts and criminals to cross our borders, ruining our way of life, our communities and our schools.
He thanked Don, Jr. for all his hard work, then held his flat hand over his squinted eyes and scanned the crowd. “Where’s Don? Where is he?” Not spotting him he said, “Ah, well. Don, Jr.’s probably still working. Working very hard.” In the next moment he announced that a very special guest would be coming onstage, as if the Queen of England was waiting in the wings. To much fanfare in waltzed Ivanka, taking long strides across the platform like Eva Peron, arms waving aloft, greeting the adoring masses. How she managed to get to the podium in lace-up boots with 3.5 inch heels (discounted from $1720. to $946. at TheOutnet.com. Act now!) is beyond me.
Meanwhile when she left the stage she made a beeline for…guess who, seated right up front with his gal pal Kimberly Guilfoyle? Yes, Don, Jr.! Obviously, Ivanka is always a better bet when optics rule.
K. chose not to watch the rally. I was glued to FOX. It may seem neurotic but I just had to see the madness for myself. And the mad man delivered. We had just watched Tom Friedman, editorial journalist at The New York Times on CNN. His anger and frustration nearly broke through the screen as he referenced you-know-who’s threats to Pence about quashing the electoral college outcome. Mr. Friedman looked into the camera’s eye and said, “If this isn’t an outright attempt at a coup d’etat, I don’t know what is.”
My neurosis still had me in its grip and I continued watching FOX Wednesday morning as D.T. made one last attempt to intimidate Pence and whip into a frenzy his fanatic followers in D.C. “I’ll be with you as we march to the Capitol”, he lied.
And then it all fell apart. The inmates took over the peoples’ house.
I couldn’t sleep after that so I lay in bed finishing Eleanor, the acclaimed new biography of Eleanor Roosevelt by David Michaelis. What a great read! 536 pages, including pics of her lovers. Spoiler alert: male and female☺ You may not be looking for a beach book this winter but trust me, her life includes enough steam to keep you warm in February. I am not kidding. E.R. was a thoroughly ‘modern’ woman whose story could easily be picked up by Netflix. Jennifer Lawrence? Johnny Depp as FDR? Definitely x-rated.
Last word: Breathe.