It was May 6, 2010. 16 years ago this month, I got the news as I was preparing a broadcast of the CBS Evening News, and it stopped me in my tracks: Yeardley Love, a fourth-year Lacrosse player at UVA, my alma mater, had been brutally murdered — beaten to death by her ex-boyfriend and a member of the UVA men’s lacrosse team, George Huguely V. As her photograph appeared on the computers in our newsroom, a number of my colleagues commented, “Katie, she looks so much like you! She could be your daughter.” And it was true — the resemblance was unmistakable. She could have been my daughter. This senseless violence could, I realized, happen to anyone.
Yeardley’s death rocked the university I love, and the entire Baltimore community where Yeardley was from. The details of her murder were unfathomable and too gruesome to repeat here. It was so senseless and so heartbreaking. This beautiful, smart, effervescent young woman whose life was extinguished in a rageful attack…just weeks before her graduation.
In the months following Yeardley's death, I did a series of reports for CBS News on dating violence. It was a topic very few people knew about or discussed, but one that desperately needed attention. More than 1 million high school students and 3 million college students will be in a physically abusive relationship this year alone — meaning that approximately 10,000 people in this age group experience physical dating abuse every day. And only 33% of teens in an abusive relationship disclose that abuse to anyone. That prevalence increases with age: More than 12 million adults will be physically abused by an intimate partner this year. These figures only reflect reported cases, but it’s believed that nearly 45% of abuse goes unreported.
The One Love Foundation, founded in Yeardley’s honor in 2010, has done amazing work to ensure that her short life leaves a lasting legacy. It provides workshops and digital resources to empower young people, particularly those between the ages of 11 and 24 who are just learning about relationships, to identify warning signs and seek help. The foundation educates young people about the real physical and emotional dangers of toxic relationships — how to recognize the difference between healthy and unhealthy dynamics, and talk about them openly. By providing a shared, universal language, the foundation is also normalizing the conversations and empowering people with the knowledge to take action.
One Love wants all young people to be able to identify the 10 behaviors that often characterize unhealthy relationships. These include:
Intensity: Someone expressing extreme feelings or over-the-top behavior very early in the relationship.
Possessiveness: Excessive jealousy and attempts to control who you spend time with or talk to.
Manipulation: Attempting to control your decisions, actions, or emotions through guilt or mind games.
Isolation: Keeping you away from friends, family, or other support networks.
Sabotage: Purposely ruining your reputation, achievements, success, or relationships with others.
Belittling: Doing or saying things that make you feel bad about yourself or diminish your worth.
Guilting: Making you feel responsible for their actions, happiness, or relationship problems.
Volatility: Unpredictable overreactions, mood swings, or sudden outbursts of anger.
Deflecting Responsibility: Blaming you, alcohol, stress, or others for their harmful behavior.
Betrayal: Acting dishonestly, cheating, or breaking your trust repeatedly.
Julie Myers was the Varsity Women’s lacrosse coach at UVA for 28 seasons.
She personally recruited Yeardley out of Notre Dame Preparatory School in Towson, Maryland. Myers then coached her throughout her entire collegiate career as a senior midfielder wearing No. 1, until the tragic murder took place in May 2010. In a full-circle moment, Julie is now the CEO of One Love.
Through the years, I’ve often thought about Yeardley and what could have been. I’ve thought about her mom, Sharon, and her sister Lexie, who I interviewed on my talk show in 2012. I’ve thought about her friends and teammates from UVA. I wonder what Yeardley would be doing now. Where she would be living, if she would have a family. (George Huguely V is currently serving a 23-year sentence in a Virginia state prison. He is scheduled to be released in 2030; he will be 42 years old.)
I’m grateful to everyone who knew her, and decided to turn their pain into purpose. Who knows how many lives the One Love Foundation has saved by helping young people recognize dangerous behavior and extricate themselves from unhealthy relationships?
For more information on the One Love Foundation, to train to facilitate workshops and conversation, or to start a chapter at your school or university, you can visit its website at joinonelove.org.
