When we want to support someone who’s grieving, we often stall out in the greeting card aisle, unsure if whichever Hallmark platitude we choose will ring true. Or we find ourselves Googling “gifts for grieving people” and end up with a generic box stuffed with a blanket and candle, regardless of who the recipient is.
The gifts that move real grievers are personal: They reflect their needs and wants, the nature of your relationship, and a genuine sense of care. More often than not, the most powerful gifts aren’t Wirecutter-reviewed products, but simple offers of time and support.
Looking for inspiration on how to offer a gesture to a friend or family member who’s mourning a loss? Here are some gifts that actually helped, and prompts to guide you in coming up with your own ideas.
1. Offer more than words
Instead of saying, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” offer concrete ways to help. “Chipping in” doesn’t have to be practical — though a meal train or DoorDash dinner never hurts.
After a year of caring for her niece with pediatric cancer, Brittany told me she finally accepted a cousin’s offer to cover caregiving for a day so she could rest. “I was exhausted and needed to go home, shower, and yell and scream privately,” she said. “It meant everything to feel like someone could help me carry that burden, even for eight hours.”
Consider what’s at the intersection of what your person likely needs or wants, and what you can offer — delivering groceries, taking the kids to the park for a few hours, offering to plan that upcoming birthday party — and see if those specific offers are of interest to them, without holding any attachment to their response.
Reflect: Who have you wanted to show up for but haven’t yet? What’s a small gesture you can offer to make their day a little easier or more joyful?
2. Get creative and personal
Chances are if you Google “good gifts for someone grieving,” you’ll find a smattering of memorial candles and care packages pre-stuffed with fuzzy socks. Those might be the perfect gift for some grieving person, but consider querying your own creative brain, instead of Google. Knowing what you know about your loved one, what makes them feel most cherished, seen, celebrated, and cared for?
Ashley once woke to find her lawn filled with butterfly-shaped balloons — symbols her late daughter loved. “It made me feel that our daughter would not be forgotten.”
My sister’s encouragement was one of the most meaningful gifts I’ve ever received.
For Kev, a gift came in the form of a creative challenge. After his wife died at 32, his sister suggested he post one photo online each day, for a year — not necessarily related to his grief, but as a daily ritual to find some moment of beauty in the world around him. “At first, it felt impossible,” he said. “But over time, I learned how to notice my surroundings again. And I became interested in the world again — a notion that seemed impossible at the outset. My sister’s encouragement was one of the most meaningful gifts I’ve ever received.”
Reflect: Is there a creative way to show you’re paying attention — preserving a memory, or staying in steady contact with someone grieving?
3. Consider the long tail of grief
There’s often a flurry of support early on — but then silence, as the shock wears off. Tommy’s childhood friend calls every year on the anniversary of his dad’s death. “I don’t always pick up, but he never fails to leave a voicemail,” he says. “It means the world.”
Reflect: Can you set reminders to reach out on anniversaries or other meaningful days?
The bottom line? Grief gifts don’t have to be grand gestures, although those work, too. They do just have to be personal and rooted in care. Whether it’s a lighthearted offering, an extra pair of hands, or the steady rhythm of ongoing support, the heart of the gift is the same: a reminder that even in grief, we are not alone.
Carla Fernandez is the author of Renegade Grief and co-founder of The Dinner Party, a national network of peer-support circles for young adult grievers, featured in The New York Times, NPR, Oprah Daily, and cited in multiple books. Carla is a senior fellow with USC’s Annenberg School Innovation Lab and a Catherine B. Reynolds Foundation Scholar in Social Entrepreneurship at NYU.
