Life is full of transitions, but for women, those turning points often come with something added: an extra layer of hormonal shifts, societal expectations, or family dynamics that are unique to the female experience. Whether it’s navigating unequal opportunities in childhood, juggling career and caregiving in adulthood, or redefining identity after menopause, these shifts can quietly shape a woman’s mental health over time.
That’s why we asked Cynthia Catchings, LCSW and therapist with Talkspace, to help us identify some of those changes, and how women may react to them. She says that while some of stressors are unavoidable, there are steps women can take to better prepare for their emotional impact — and even come out stronger on the other side.
What are some specific challenges women face that can impact mental health?
While there are countless answers to this question, Catchings focuses on one factor that comes up early in a girl’s life and persists into adulthood: In general, women are given fewer opportunities than their male counterparts. “Even in childhood, you’ll see parents use ‘Because you’re the little sister’ as an excuse for why they won’t allow their daughters to wrestle with their brothers, or engage in riskier activities like climbing trees,” says Catchings.
Parents may also permit their sons to assert their independence at a younger age than their daughters. “Parents might let a teenage boy travel alone or with a group of male friends, but would deny the same opportunity to a daughter out of a real concern about danger,” says Catchings. “But even when that’s a legitimate reason, it still reinforces the idea that there are certain activities women simply can’t do on their own.”
As women get older, these opportunity gaps become more visible, especially when it comes to the desire to both establish a career and become a parent. As much as we want to believe women can “have it all,” Catchings says that among her clients, she still sees women who want to focus on their careers while having families express a sense of guilt that isn’t as pronounced in men.
How does parenthood impact a woman’s identity?
When women first become parents, Catchings says many experience a sense of loss regarding their placement within the family. “Many first-time parents don’t fully anticipate how having a child will impact their marriage dynamic,” she says. “Some women express frustration that their husbands feel like the child has replaced him as her priority, or jealousy if their child has a closer relationship with her father than with her.” She says that some women anticipate their life after having a child will be similar to what it was before, or that a baby will make them happier — and are soon proven wrong. “When reality hits and women realize that parenthood means their life is no longer just their own,” she says, “it can be incredibly jarring.”
Once kids grow up, mothers may experience yet another identity crisis. “Becoming an empty nester can be an emotional gut-punch, and a lot of the time, women feel this more acutely than men,” says Catchings. “Women may feel like their entire sense of identity was wrapped up in being a parent, and that they’ve lost that.”
How can aging, particularly menopause, impact a woman’s mental health?
Catchings has observed that menopause often inspires a “path not taken” moment, causing women to reflect about whether they made the right life choices. “There are some women who’ve decided not to get married and have kids, and have been perfectly happy with those choices,” she says, “but the onset of menopause might bring on a wave of grief or anxiety when it becomes clear that the door for biological parenthood is officially closed. There are also women whose identity is heavily tied to motherhood, and menopause may bring on a profound sense of loss.”
Dealing with menopause may also bring up age-related issues for a woman’s partner. “In most cases, long-term couples are around the same age, give or take a few years,” says Catchings. “So while a woman is dealing with the physical and mental impact of menopause, her husband might be dealing with his own age-related crisis.” While many women feel a decrease in libido during menopause, Catchings suggests that some men who are coping with aging may crave more frequent physical intimacy, as a way to feel younger. “Without proper communication, this can lead to major issues in a relationship,” she says.
How can women prepare for the stress of major transitions before they happen?
When someone has a hard time coping with or adjusting to a big life change, it’s referred to as an “adjustment disorder.” While these disorders are usually temporary, preparing in advance by beginning therapy can help make the adjustment much smoother. “Most people don’t just go to the doctor or dentist if they’ve had a major medical emergency — they go for preventive care,” says Catchings. ”Therapy should be the same.”
Catchings says that engaging in therapy can have the dual benefit of prepping you for these adjustments and giving you the language to express your feelings about them to others. “Some women aren’t comfortable having conversations with their male partners about transitions that are specific to women, like menopause,” she says. Therapy, she continues, can provide an easy way to normalize these conversations: “Instead of saying, ‘Let’s sit down so I can tell you about why menopause has been making me act differently,’ you can say, ‘Hey, I talked to my therapist, and she explained why I might be feeling this way, and this is what we’re doing about it.’ Therapy creates a safe framework for conversations that might be uncomfortable, and shows that you’re trying to find a solution to the issues that have come up because of the transition.”
Having your partner or family join you in therapy can also be a way to help make a big life change easier on everyone. “The key here is to communicate this request in a way that doesn’t seem like it’s a punishment,” says Catchings. “You could tell your partner, ‘My therapist wants to have a joint session, so I can share some of the positive improvements I’m experiencing.’” Whether it’s on your own or with your partner, starting therapy before your next major life transition can give you the tools to face any challenge and come out stronger.
