At first, they looked like any other couple basking in the glow of a Coldplay concert — arms wrapped around each other, lost in the music. But when a kiss cam zoomed in and panic flashed across their faces, it quickly became clear: This wasn’t just a tender moment — it was a secret.
The pair turned out to be Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and chief people officer Kristin Cabot — both reportedly married to other people. The footage quickly went viral, with internet sleuths identifying the pair and sparking a wave of speculation, gossip, and outrage online.
But they’re far from alone. While hilarious and cringe-worthy caught-on-camera moments like that might be rare, workplace affairs are not anomalies: A Forbes Advisor survey found that nearly one in five employees in committed relationships have had an affair with a colleague.
We spoke to three relationship experts — and readers who’ve lived through these entanglements — to understand why they happen and what they often lead to.
Why does workplace cheating happen?
The workplace is a common breeding ground for romantic connections — not just because of the time we spend there (roughly 90,000 hours over a lifetime), but because emotional intimacy can easily develop alongside professional collaboration.
“Traditionally, we spend much more time with our colleagues than with our own families — that’s just the nature of how we work in America,” licensed psychotherapist Akua Boateng tells us. “And with that comes a sense of perceived trust and emotional attachment, simply from the time and energy we invest.”
Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., a psychology professor at California State University, San Bernardino, agrees, noting that toxic work environments, blurred boundaries, and a lack of oversight often allow these dynamics to go unchecked.
“A toxic work environment can also lead to trauma bonding,” says Dr. Campbell, who studies infidelity. “That shared frustration can create a sense of resonance, which might then lead to an emotional connection — and possibly an affair.”
Dr. Campbell also adds that power imbalances can also play a role. She refers to this as the “Romeo and Juliet effect,” a psychological phenomenon in which external opposition — such as parental disapproval — can intensify a romantic bond. In the workplace, she says, a similar dynamic can emerge when two people feel they shouldn’t be together, which “heightens the connection and fuels the excitement.”
The problem, aside from the damage to your family, is that these affairs often lack authenticity, says Boateng. They’re built on a fantasy, not reality — there’s no shared structure, like paying bills or raising kids.
“You’re only seeing a sliver of who this person really is,” she explains. “It’s more about mutual escapism — you’re not building a real life together, you’re escaping the one you already have.”
Can relationships survive workplace affairs?
According to couples counselor Terri DiMatteo, the answer is yes — but not without some serious challenges.
Research suggests that up to 75 percent of couples stay together after infidelity. But only about 15 to 25 percent are able to genuinely rebuild trust and emotional intimacy. For others, the relationship survives, but not without scars — lingering resentment, tension, or a sense that things will never quite be the same.
“Many couples do stay together,” DiMatteo says. “But often, those relationships limp along. They’re never quite the same — it’s almost like living with chronic pain.”
That pain can be even harder to manage when the affair partner remains in the picture — like if they still work together and see each other regularly.
“The first step in affair recovery is to end the adulterous relationship — completely and unequivocally,” says DiMatteo. “That means telling the affair partner, in no uncertain terms, ‘It’s over. I’m married. Don’t contact me.’ It needs to be firm, ideally in front of the betrayed spouse, with the door not just closed, but locked and sealed — like pouring cement over it.”
Of course, that kind of clean break isn’t always possible in a professional setting. Continued contact at work can be deeply triggering for the betrayed partner, which is why DiMatteo often recommends that the person who cheated either find a new job or adjust their schedule to limit contact.
That said, a workplace affair doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker — as long as both partners are willing to do the work and confront any unresolved issues or unmet needs.
“Infidelity is a relationship wound,” DiMatteo says. “And since both people are in the relationship, and the relationship weakened or wasn’t functioning properly, they’ve both contributed to that breakdown.”
What happens after the affair?
For some of our readers, the Coldplay video wasn’t just viral gossip — it was a painful reminder of their own experiences.
Wake-Up Call subscriber Marjorie shared that her ex-husband left their 17-year marriage — and their four children — for a colleague who also walked away from her own family. While their affair didn’t make headlines, it was a scandal in their town, where both were in high-profile roles. Watching the recent video brought back the deep emotional fallout that such betrayals can leave behind.
“The humiliation and betrayal you feel in a situation like that is devastating,” she writes. “For some of us — like me — it takes years, a lot of good friends (I don’t have any family), and countless hours crying your eyes out just to survive it. But the worst part is watching your kids go through it…and still carry the weight of it. There’s nothing worse.”
Another reader, Jane, a literature teacher, says her 23-year marriage unraveled after her husband — a top executive — began an affair with a much younger subordinate. It quickly became an open secret in his office, but the real damage, she says, happened at home. She was blamed for the affair, cut off from her children, and left to navigate the aftermath alone.
Years of trauma therapy followed — including treatment for her daughter, who was a teenager at the time. “He didn’t just leave me,” Jane writes. “He used our kids to justify it — and to punish me.”
She’s now sharing her story in the hopes that one day, her children will understand what really happened and begin to heal.
“Is my story just another ‘50-year-old man has a midlife crisis and leaves his wife for a 20-something’ situation? Maybe. But I lived to tell my story — not just for me, but in the hopes that my children will listen to my perspective and finally see the destructive path, choices, and behaviors of their father,” she shares. “Because at the end of the day, it was a choice, not a mistake.”
Her journey — and so many others like it — is a stark reminder that workplace affairs don’t just happen in secret. They leave echoes.
To protect their privacy, readers’ names have been changed.
