With targeted phrases like “OK, Boomer” and “brain rot” echoing through the media lately, generation gaps seem bigger than ever. The gap between Boomers (born 1946-1964) and Gen Z (1995-2009) is especially wide — Gen Z has never known a world without smartphones, while Boomers grew up when TV was new technology.
But there doesn’t have to be such a big gap in mutual understanding. I’ve researched generational differences for three decades, and found that one of the best cures for generation gaps is more information. Empathy through understanding was a key goal in my latest book, Generations: The Real Differences between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents – and What They Mean for America’s Future, which was just released in paperback.
So what’s some information each generation wishes the other understood? As a Gen X’er, I’m an observer of these conflicts rather than a participant, but a few things stand out in the research. Let’s start with three things Boomers wish Gen Z (and probably Millennials, too!) understood about them:
1. Buying a house wasn’t cheap or easy for Boomers.
Yes, housing prices were lower when Boomers were young adults, but in the early 1980s mortgage rates were as high as 18% — three times higher than today’s rates. Mortgage rates were above 10% for nearly all of the 1980s, when many Boomers bought their homes. That meant monthly mortgage payments were very high, even with lower prices. Those homes were also often smaller, and having two cars was considered a luxury.
2. It was much harder to be a working woman.
Well into the 1980s, women — especially mothers — who worked were often criticized. In 1986, a New York Times article intoned that “corporate America is rife with women … who are experiencing the dark side of their own success … [they] cannot cope with the toll their success has taken on the other parts of their lives.” And this pales in comparison to what women faced in the 1960s, when job ads were still segregated by sex and only 6% of medical students were women. Sexual harassment, racism, and sexism were rampant. If you’re a young woman with a career, you might have a Boomer woman to thank for paving the way.
3. Boomers went through dark times, too — and survived.
There’s a common narrative today that it’s the “worst time ever” to be alive (due to climate change, inflation, income inequality, wars, and so on — it’s the “late stage capitalist hellscape” idea). Well, the 1960s and 1970s weren’t a cakewalk either. In 1968, Boomers were being drafted into a losing Vietnam War, and both Martin Luther King, Jr. and Bobby Kennedy were assassinated. The 1970s brought long lines to simply fill your car with gas and “stagflation,” where inflation increased even as the stock market languished. From the 1960s to the 1980s, we never knew if a nuclear war was going to start tomorrow and end the world. Yet we made it through those times and more.
But the discord isn’t only moving in one direction: Gen Z also often feels misunderstood by Boomers. Here are three things Gen Z wishes Boomers knew:
1. We’re not immature. We’re just taking longer to grow up.
Boomers often remark that their children or grandchildren are putting off settling into a career, getting married, or having children — milestones Boomers had already reached by their age. It’s true that young adults are now doing these things later, but that’s only part of the story. The whole lifecycle has slowed down: Children are less independent, teens are less likely to do adult things like have a job or a driver’s license, and middle-aged people look and feel younger than their parents did at the same age (60 is the new 50! 70 is the new 60!) Psychologists call this a “slow life strategy,” and it happens when people live longer and healthcare is better. It’s not about immaturity or arrested development — modern citizens simply have more years of life to grow and develop, and they’re taking advantage of them.
2. Transgender and nonbinary people are not a tiny segment of the population anymore.
In national surveys conducted 2023-24, 1 out of 10 young adults identified as either transgender or nonbinary. Those numbers are virtually identical in red and blue states and in rural vs. urban areas, so it’s a shift that’s not just happening in liberal big cities.
3. We’re not snowflakes — many of us are clinically depressed for some good reasons.
Major depression has doubled among teens and young adults since 2011, right as Gen Z moved into that age group. Self-harm and suicide have also skyrocketed. It’s often assumed this is because Gen Z is “coddled” or “sensitive,” but it’s instead because Gen Z teens’ social lives were completely different from Boomers’. Gen Z faced an adolescence where seeing friends in person plummeted — no more driving around with friends, no more hanging out after school, no more parties on the weekends. Instead, you sit in your room alone hoping someone will “like” the picture you took of yourself.
It’s inherently difficult to take someone else’ perspective, and that’s especially true across generations. Someone of another generation grew up in a different world than you did. But if we understand more about each other, we’ll have a much better chance at bridging the generation gaps, improving relationships both at home and at work.
Jean M. Twenge is a Professor of Psychology at San Diego State University and the author of Generations: The Real Differences between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents – and What They Mean for America’s Future. She writes the Generation Tech Substack.
