Warning: This comparison may result in rage.
Menopause can be frustrating for a multitude of reasons — the lack of information, inconvenient and often crippling symptoms, and physical changes, to name a few. Then there’s the fact that it’s not talked about openly enough, so a lot of people don’t understand what you’re going through. Unless you’re surrounded by women of the same age or older, you’ll probably encounter at least one person who doesn’t understand menopause and even some who underestimate the experience. And if you’ve got no menopausal people in your life, going through something so life-changing can be a really isolating experience.
If only there were a simple, universal way to explain the changes your body is going through with menopause and how your world will react to that to someone who’s never gone through it and prepare younger women.
I recently came up with a metaphor I think might work.
Imagine you’re a rising senior in high school. Your first three years of high school, you nailed it. You went to class, you did the work, you studied for your tests, and you had great grades. Everything was going perfectly. You’re basically Harvard-bound. Enter senior year. All of a sudden, you feel a little bit different. Nothing crazy — you can’t really put your finger on it, but something’s different. But you go to class, you do the work, you study, you sit down for that very first test senior year, and you get a C-. You stare at that paper in disbelief. You did everything you usually do to prepare for an exam, and in the past, your process has always worked.
So you say, “OK, I just need to work harder.” So you go to every single class, you go to the study groups. You really double down on every single technique that you’ve used in the past. You sit down for the next test, and you feel confident. You get that result back, and it’s a D. You’re devastated. You’re seeing everything that you’ve worked for starting to crumble in front of you and you can’t figure out what’s going on.
Your teacher confronts you, “This has never happened to you before. What’s going on with your grades?” You’re like, “I don’t know. I really studied.” And they’re like, “Did you really study as hard as you think you did?” You insist you studied harder than ever before, and they respond, “Well, maybe you just need to really study harder.” They ask you, “Are you stressed out? Are your parents getting a divorce? Did your boyfriend break up with you? You need to drink some water and sleep more.” So you give it one more try, you kill yourself, you study like your life depends on it. You’ve never worked harder in your life. Your notes have notes. You sit down for the next test thinking you’re about to bounce back. And you get a C+, you drag yourself back to the teacher, and they again ask, “What’s going on? Did you really study?” And you’re swearing on the top of a stack of Bibles that you put every amount of effort you can into this, and your brain is not responding. And your teacher goes, “You know what? This is sometimes just what happens in senior year. And you’re like, “What? To everyone?” And they clarify, “no, only the girls. This is your new normal, and you’ll just have to get used to it.”
If you’re nodding along because you totally see the similarities or your hair is raising in rage at how unfair being a female can be, I see you. Next time someone asks why you’re sweating, so frustrated, and want to curl up in a ball, feel free to share this comparable tale. And if you need more resources or camaraderie on your menopause journey, join The ‘Pause Life community.
