Plus, she debunks myths about these vulnerable kids.
In 2016, my family was in the news a fair amount. Back then, we were talking about the increasingly anti-transgender rhetoric coming from policymakers and elected officials around the country. We had to speak out for trans rights, thanks to our wonderful transgender child, Ellie—who was 5 years old then. We met with Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos, appeared in Katie’s documentary Gender Revolution, and published a children’s book about a trans child, inspired by our family story.
Now, 7 years later, Ellie is about to become a teenager — and the push to demolish trans rights has only continued. This year, a record number of anti-LGBTQ bills were introduced in statehouses across the country, with many specifically targeting transgender and non-binary kids like her.
With all that in mind, and in honor of Pride Month, I wanted to correct some myths and misconceptions about transgender and non-binary people. And, if you too are worried about the attacks on trans communities, I’ve got some ideas and tips for making your voice heard.
Myth #1: Kids are “too young” to learn about gender and identity.
Think back to when you first realized you had a gender. For most of us, that’s pretty young — organizations like the Mayo Clinic have found that most kids understand their own genders by 5 or 6. Aside from conversations among family members and peers, kids are already learning about gender and identity from media at that age: Classic stories like Sleeping Beauty and The Little Mermaid, as well as modern tales like The Hunger Games or the Twilight series, all have implicit and explicit messages about gender, sexuality, relationships, and more.
All in all, kids already understand gender before they’ve even entered kindergarten — meaning that even young kids aren’t “too young” to talk about the concept. That said, we should certainly think about what books or topics are age-appropriate for them, which is why it’s great that there are books and resources for every age. Here are some perfect jumping-off points:
- 15 LGBTQ Books for Kids and Teens Recommended by Queer Librarians, Educators, and Independent Booksellers
- LGBTQ Books for Elementary Age Kids
- GLSEN Rainbow Library
Myth #2: Being trans is “just a trend” among young people.
While the words “transgender” and “non-binary” are relatively new in our lexicon — less than one hundred years old — the existence of people who don’t fit into rigid gender expectations is as old as humanity itself. Consider Charley Parkhurst, once described as “best whip in California,” who was born as Charlotte Parkhurst in 1812 but lived and worked as a man for decades (a fact that wasn’t discovered until Parkhurst’s death in 1879). Or Albert D.J. Cashier, who was born as Jennie Irene Hodgers in 1843 but adopted a male persona to enlist in the Union Army in 1862 and lived the rest of his life — more than 50 years — as a man. Why? Unfortunately we can’t go back and ask, but the fact that they both lived as men for much of their lives suggests a more nuanced and complex answer than that they were simply women who wanted to work in male professions. (And, as a side note, you generally shouldn’t use a trans person’s given name — sometimes referred to as a “deadname” — when talking about them.)
Today, gender diversity exists in societies around the world, some of which use the terms transgender or non-binary, and some of which have terms in their own languages. Still, it is true that the number of young people identifying as trans and non-binary is on the rise, as are the number of young people identifying as part of the broader LGBTQ community. But trans youth have always existed — they just either didn’t have the language to talk about their identity, or weren’t comfortable and safe expressing their authentic selves.
Myth #3: Trans kids are “too young” to receive affirming medical care.
Imagine being a mother and being told you can’t provide needed medical care to your child who needs it. This is what’s starting to happen across the nation.
At its core, all that gender-affirming medical care means is that medical providers and caregivers listen to patients, and believe that people know who they are and can express their authentic needs. For some trans or non-binary youth, this may simply mean using a different name or pronouns. For older kids, particularly those who have hit puberty, doctors may work with families and youth to evaluate if puberty blockers or hormones are right for a trans young person, a method of care supported by every major medical association.
Gender-affirming care isn’t one-size-fits-all, as the needs of each trans child are taken into account with each care plan. Likewise, gender-affirming care isn’t rushed; it’s a slow and difficult process, with lots of red tape along the way for children and adults. But doctors overwhelmingly agree that gender-affirming care is life-saving care, which is why it’s so distressing that state after state is restricting access or banning it entirely.
While the focus of most state bans has been this type of care for youth, some states are starting to target the care of adults as well. That’s one reason why I’m working with a new nonprofit, The Research Institute for Gender Therapeutics (RIGT). RIGT will bring the clinical treatment transgender people into standard medical practice by researching, developing, and seeking formal regulatory approval of therapeutic options for gender dysphoria — helping make this care more accessible to all adults who need it.
Now that we’ve debunked some of the most prevalent myths, it’s time to understand how to speak up against threats to the trans community, and make real change. If you want to advocate for trans rights — or the rights of any marginalized group — here’s some advice:
Educate yourself about what’s happening in your community.
Combating myths is a big reason why supporters of trans rights should educate themselves about what’s happening in their community, their state, and at the national level. Does the ACLU have a local affiliate near you? For parents and family members of trans youth, have you checked out PFLAG? What do your local, state, and national elected officials think of trans rights? Are there any laws protecting trans people where you live? Are there any laws attacking trans people where you live? Ask questions, and connect to those doing the work in your area — we need as many allies as we can get! Need help finding resources? Don’t hesitate to reach out.
Speak up!
Once you know the lay of the land, it’s important to get out and use your voice: Talk to friends, neighbors, colleagues, family members, and more. Post to social media, chat with the people in your life, write an op-ed to the local paper, and make your opinions heard.
It can be scary to speak up, particularly when you know other people will disagree with you. But remember: you don’t have to know everything to be an amazing ally.
Vote!
Once you’re educated on the issues and are using your voice to speak out, don’t forget to vote. If you’re already voting for candidates who support trans rights, thank you! Now make sure your friends and family are doing the same.
As the parent of a trans child, it’s been distressing — to say the least — to see the rising wave of anti-trans rhetoric and legislation over the past few years. But I’ve also been able to see amazing friends and allies step up in support of kids, like my wonderful Ellie. To everyone who has spoken out, who is speaking out, and who is going to speak out, thank you. We’re in this together, and that’s how we’ll win: together.
Vanessa Ford is the co-author of the 2022 Lambda Literary Award winning children’s book Calvin (Penguin, 2021). Her new book, The Advocate Educator’s Handbook: Creating Schools where Transgender and Non-Binary Students Thrive (Jossey-Bass, 2024), co-authored by Rebecca Kling, is scheduled to come out early next year; join the email list here. You can learn more about the Ford Family’s advocacy here.
