Millennials and Gen Z are treating their relationships like a new restaurant.
When you think of a launch, you might associate that with a new clothing brand or even a spacecraft — but what about a relationship? A new trend has millennials and Gen Z treating their romantic relationships like a new business or restaurant, announcing it via a “launch” on social media. But there are levels to it: Just like with a trendy new eatery, young people are doing either hard or soft launches of their new beaus. What does it all mean? We’re here to explain.
Before social media, when you wanted to tell your friends and family you were dating someone, you’d probably…just tell them, right? You’d either call them up, mention it the next time you saw them, or maybe even set up a meeting so your S.O. (significant other) could get to know your social circle. But in today’s world, things are a little bit different. There’s a whole new slew of people to inform about your budding relationship: your social media followers! And while the online debut might seem frivolous, there are lots of people who give this a lot of thought. Enter: the soft and hard launch.
A hard launch is a lot more straightforward and decisive of a move. It just means you post a picture of your new boo, face and all, directly on your Instagram feed or stories. The courage! It means you’re telling the world, “Hey, I have a new partner, and here’s who it is!” A soft launch, however, is a lot more subtle, and there’s a good reason why.
What is a soft launch?
In order to understand what a soft launch is, first it’s important to get some context. Dating used to be a lot more straightforward. You’d meet someone out in the real world or get set up, go on a date, and if you continued to go on dates, you’d probably decide to enter into a relationship. Ah, the good old days. Speaking from experience, dating nowadays is a lot like trying to catch a butterfly — you have to approach slowly and carefully, with no sudden movements or they might get spooked and fly away. (But seriously, one time I was seeing someone for eight weeks, met one of their family members, and they still ghosted me and got back with their ex. I thought I was safe, but nope.) That is to say, you might think you’re dating someone, but until a relationship is explicitly defined, you just don’t know.
Because of the capricious nature of dating these days, you don’t want to post someone on social media for all your followers to see only to have to later issue a retraction if they disappear into the wind. This is why a soft launch is important — when you soft launch, instead of posting an identifiable picture of someone’s face, you post bits and pieces of them. The back of their head. A hand, perhaps. Even a shadow could count. Just enough to indicate that, yes, there’s someone else in the picture, but no, you’re not sharing who they are just yet.
“A soft launch is a subtle inclusion of the person you’re dating into your online presence (a picture of their leg, a photo of the restaurant you’re on a date at, inclusion of the person in a group photo),” Jordana Abraham, co-host of the U Up? dating podcast, tells Katie Couric Media. Meanwhile, “A hard launch is very explicit and it’s basically posting a couple’s photo as a formal public announcement of a relationship.”
Why do people soft launch relationships?
Some people soft launch because they have a large following and want to keep their partner’s identity private while still letting their followers know they’re in a relationship. But it’s not just for influencers — regular people do it, too, more as a self-preservation measure than anything else.
“A soft launch is a way to protect yourself in case a new relationship ends,” Abraham says. “It feels less embarrassing to stop including hints of a person in your life than to have publicly declared your relationship status only to be single again a few weeks later. For those in the dating scene who’ve had many promising would-be relationships fail, this can seem like a cautious and subtle way to integrate a person into their online life.”
Of course, soft launches aren’t for everyone. Maybe you just like to dive right in and announce your love to the world — there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. (Or maybe you’ve successfully defined the relationship and discussed your boundaries regarding social media and you’re both on the same page, which is even better.) Or maybe you’re more private, and keep your relationships off social media altogether. That’s great, too.
Ultimately, think of a soft launch like dipping your toe into the pool, versus jumping right in for a hard launch. No approach is any better or worse than the other; it all comes down to personal preference and comfort level.
For those looking to soft launch, Abraham has one piece of advice. “I’d limit the time between a soft and hard launch to a month tops.” After that, it’s time to hard launch or get off the pot. But when it comes to budding relationships, she says overall, “I’m a fan of the soft launch. It shows cautious optimism, which is a great measured way to approach most things in life — especially dating.”
