Merriam-Webster named gaslighting its word of the year in 2022. Here’s what it means and why it has some mental health experts worried.
From TV shows to TikTok videos, “gaslighting” has been making its way into our vernacular for a few years now, but 2022 was a major moment for the term. After drawing a whopping 1,740 percent spike in searches in 2022, Merriam-Webster crowned “gaslighting” the word of the year.
But curiously, there wasn’t exactly a single event that drove these look-ups, as seen with “pandemic” in 2020 or “vax” the following year. That could be because the word has become ubiquitous in today’s culture, surprising even the team at America’s oldest dictionary publisher who identified it.
“It’s a word that has risen so quickly in the English language, and especially in the last four years, that it actually came as a surprise to me and to many of us,” Peter Sokolowski, Merriam-Webster’s editor at large, told The Associated Press at the time.
We dug into what the term really means, where it comes from, and how to spot some of the most common warning signs linked with this oft-cited phenomenon.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control where a manipulator tries to get someone else (or a group of people) to question their own reality, memory, or perceptions. Jourdan Travers, LCSW, the clinical director of Awake Therapy, told Katie Couric Media in 2022 that the main driver of this form of manipulation is the desire to conceal or hide something.
Though it’s not necessarily associated with a psychological disorder, research published in The Journal of Sexual Aggression suggests that gaslighters share some common personality traits, such as being emotionally unavailable, withdrawn, irresponsible, impulsive, and lacking in common sense and self-awareness. What makes the term hard to grapple with is that it can happen virtually anywhere — whether in politics, medicine, or the workplace. But you’ve probably most commonly heard it concerning dating culture and romantic relationships.
“There are people who gaslight and use other manipulation tactics to feel like they’re in control of their relationship,” Travers said.
The origins of gaslighting
Believe it or not, the term has been around for more than 80 years. It can be traced back to the 1938 play called Gas Light, where a husband slowly manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane, so he can steal her wealth. At the time, the term was used literally: Whenever he was in the attic attempting to steal her grandmother’s jewels, he would turn on lamps that were fueled by gas, causing lights to dim elsewhere in the house. To avoid any suspicion, he’d tell his wife that she was imagining it.
Still, the term didn’t gain traction until the mid-2010s, when Lauren Duca used the term to describe former President Trump’s behavior. Now, its application has spread like wildfire: Today, gaslighting can mean everything from being dismissive of someone’s feelings to questioning something known to be true. But context is important and the definition isn’t one-size-fits-all — Travers said a person may be rightfully questioning someone else’s explanation of a topic because they’re trying to get more clarity or information.
Concerns about overusing the term “gaslighting”
Now that the word gaslighting has hit the mainstream, some mental health experts worry that the term is increasingly losing its meaning and being misused or applied in the wrong context. At its worst, psychoanalyst Robin Stern, Ph.D., told us in 2022 that it can prevent people from communicating effectively and accurately with one another.
“People can feel attacked when they hear the word — they know it’s not a good thing,” said Dr. Stern. “It can be a real conversation-stopper, which is rarely a helpful way to handle conflict.”
While it’s a psychological tool often utilized by abusers, Dr. Stern pointed out that gaslighting isn’t always done intentionally or even maliciously. (She added that a lot of parents may be doing it to their kids without realizing it when they do things like mislabel their feelings, or tell them they’re “not really hungry.”)
“There’s nothing wrong with questioning yourself if somebody challenges you — that’s healthy,” said Dr. Stern, who’s the author of The Gaslight Effect. “That’s not only key for authentic communication, it helps us build healthy boundaries and promotes our psychological well-being.”
The dangers of gaslighting
Regardless of whether or not the gaslighting is intentional, experts worry being gaslit continuously can lead to long-term psychological issues, including increased anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
If you experience gaslighting over the course of a long-term relationship or throughout childhood, it may even cause you lose faith in yourself and your ability to trust your instincts, which can take serious time to build back.
“If you’ve lost contact with that part of yourself where you have difficulty making and trusting your own decisions, start by paying attention to the small decisions you are making every day — that can make a big difference,” Dr. Stern said. “Notice how you feel and have patience with yourself.”
How to know if you’re being gaslit
Fortunately, there are a few ways to easily recognize gaslighting. An extremely common form of gaslighting is someone insisting you said or did something you didn’t do. Another common sign is diverting — when a gaslighter changes the subject to get the target’s attention away from a topic. One useful skill to counter this behavior is sometimes just to agree to disagree.
“If you suspect that somebody is gaslighting you or is trying to manipulate you, one option is to say, ‘You may not see things this way, but that’s OK, I do,'” Travers said.
There are some silver linings to this term being deemed the word of the year. The increased knowledge and understanding of this control tactic is not only raising awareness of a potentially abusive form of manipulation, but it’s also is a call to action for people to be more self-aware and better communicators.
